Replacements Unlimited

You were married for keeps, weren't you?  I'm quite sure I didn't see a clause anywhere reading,
"... unless he fails to perform up to my standards and vice versa." There's also that saying, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks."  I beg to differ on that one.  Every dog enjoys a reward!

Think about it in terms of how we live our married lives.  Why did we marry in the first place?  Because marriage is a reward in itself, isn't it?  It feels like the culmination of waiting, hoping and praying for "Mr. Right" in our lives.  It feels like the fulfillment of dreams.  It feels perfect.

That's where our first warning should come.  Dreams and perfection?  What a way to build a lifelong commitment.  We can err by praying to a god of our own manufacture, without realizing we have done it.  We don't set out to create an idol, but when we come into marriageable age and start thinking "until death us do part," some of us girls start conjuring images of "husband" in our heads and trying to meet that perfection in the form of an unsuspecting male example, hoping he'll feel we fit his image of "Miss Right."

It's the humanness of our marriages that cause the trouble.  Mr. Right has no more hope of living up to our expectations than we have of meeting his.  We construct a god in lieu of God, Himself.  We forget to pray, listen and act in God's will because we edit and revise that to fit our "right now" wants.  Not only do we want the reward of marriage, we want immediate gratification in it.  That may cause us a kind of buyer's remorse.  Why did I do this?  Did I make a mistake?

Even with our human sense of time leading the way, God uses it, and He doesn't make mistakes.  We make plenty of them, and once we leave the church with a Certificate of Marriage in our clutches, we just live happily ever after, and merrily go along ... our silly, mistake-making idol-worshippers.

Ahhhhh ... reality!

As our hope of perfection begins to crack and crumble, it helps to know that replacements are available.  Everything in marriage, except for the man and woman at the core of it, have replacement parts.  God has a plan, remember?  He knows what we need, and he provided it within the pages of the Bible ... we just have to look, read, study and implement.  We have a choice, we have free will.  We are not His puppets, though we are his creation.  He knows us, and he came prepared.

First, we need to understand that marriage has two forms: God's Model and the Human Model.

We can begin from the start with God's Model (perfect in theory and in practice ... when we remember to practice), or we can eke out an "in name only" married life full of chaos and strife that will never, no matter how many self-help books or counseling sessions we try, achieve anything close to perfection.  The latter is the Human Model (imperfect in theory and in practice ... two for two!).

Thank God for replacements.  In marriage, we have a lifetime guarantee, and in this case, lifetime means for the long haul ... really and for truly until death do you part.  Nothing else in this life can match it.

To make good on that guarantee, it means doing things God's way.

God's Model for marriage will:

- replace selfishness  with  selflessness, generosity and a servant's heart
- replace lies and deception  with   truth
- replace worry for the future  with  enduring hope through Christ
- replace disrespect and bad attitudes   with  respectfulness and a positive outlook
- replace assumption and regret   with  communication and positive action
- replace controlling behavior  with  submissiveness that honors and edifies (builds up)
- replace doubt and longing  with  trust and peace
- replace opinion  with  fact
- replace demands and expectations  with  a giving spirit grounded in outreach
- replaces domination  with  cooperation
- replaces fear  with  hope, God's promises, and the peace that transcends all understanding (faith)
- replaces jealousy  with  honor and reverence
- replaces anger  with  understanding and joy
- replaces quitting  with  persevering
- replaces negative  with  positive

The following verses give reference to just a few of the items available in the Bible for marriage replacement parts.  Ephesians and Corinthians have many notes to read on marriage.  Genesis provides the first example of marriage.  Try Proverbs, and of course, Song of Solomon (Songs).  When you seek God's Word for help, you will find it -- commit your work to the Lord and he will establish your plans (Proverbs 16:3).

If it is selfish, self-seeking or self-righteous, you won't find help with it in the Word.

  Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. ³Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

Ephesians 4:2-3

  Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent (acting with or showing care and thought for the future) wife is from the LORD.  (emphasis and definition added)

Proverbs 19:14

  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Pray and plan, plan and pray, and choose God's Model for your marriage, no matter how "old dog" you think you are.  You can't beat the replacement part guarantee.

Ten Ways to Love: Pray without Ceasing

I know I don't stand alone when it comes to wishing for more hours in the day, or in finding that the hours I do have feel packed with too much.  I have to work at balancing the needs with the unknowns and the scheduled appointments with the emergencies.  Choosing activities to add to the schedule makes me cringe in apprehension, not wanting to split one more hour into more pieces, not wanting to divide another minute to race here or there for this or that.

Not easy, especially when I try to go it alone.

To pray without ceasing, the third in the lessons on "Ten Ways to Love", might sound like one more thing to add to the ever-growing list of responsibilities.  You can try to jot  iton your list of things to do, toss a prayer heavenward and check it off the list.  However, the "without ceasing" part nags at a person.  I know it taps me on the shoulder often, and finally, I am beginning to learn to bow to it, even welcome it.  As Paul writes in Colossians 1:9 --

"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives ..."

Interesting.  Thought-provoking.  We have not stopped praying for you.  We continually ask.  Without ceasing.


When I make prayer for my husband, my children, my family and my friends a priority, I find it easier to do each time and I find a great deal of fulfillment from it -- I have done something for each person, putting each in front of God in praise and prayer. I have blessed each one in a special way.

God has shown me the importance of keeping this connection with Him a thousand times.  He has allotted spare time to me when I have given him his time.  The more I pray, the more time I seem to have and the better the day goes.  Don't misunderstand me -- the feeling of extra time in the day is not a byproduct of prayer for everyone, but it does seem to feel that way for me. But, to pray without ceasing? 

To pray without ceasing does not mean getting down on your knees and spending hours at the Throne of Grace.  It does not mean driving to church to kneel at the altar daily.  It does mean sacrifice, mainly in thought and discipline.  Breathe a prayer of thankfulness for your husband.  Whisper a prayer of gratitude for your children arriving safely home from school and for the blessing of food and shelter.  Think a prayer asking forgiveness when you've nearly missed another car in traffic while distracted with other thoughts.  Speak a prayer of  peace when you worry about how to make ends meet in these trying economic times.  Shout a prayer of joy when you succeed in navigating around an argument and end the day in agreement with your husband.  Look at the world around you and silently pray for each person you see who makes you feel grateful, feel sorry, feel encouraged, feel honored, feel happy, feel sorrow, feel pity ... feel!

In I Thessalonians 5:13-18, Paul writes to the church at Thessalonica a "to do" list, noting important aspects of walking the faith path of a follower of Christ so that everyone could live toward a common goal and work toward furthering the Kingdom of God:

Live in peace with one another.  We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone. See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people. Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Put yourself in these verses, and consider those around you who may be faint of heart, weak, and in need of your patience.  Pray for a spirit of kindness and mercy, so that you will not seek to lash out when someone else acts abrasively.  Pray that you may seek good for everyone.  Pray to God and let him hear your rejoicing throughout the day, as you practice praying without ceasing.

Remember, that when you live an active prayer life, you connect to the Father more often and more fully.  You start small, remembering to pray for the new day and its blessings and challenges as you make your way to the coffee pot in the morning.  Pray your children and husband off to school and work.  Begin to think about prayer, and offer one as you begin each new task.  Give thanks when you have completed one.  Another idea is to realize that God puts people in our thoughts for reasons -- when a person crosses your mind, pray for that person, though you may not know his need.  God does!

I find myself with days that I skip praying and I feel something missing.  I have surrounded myself with busyness, rather than with the peace that comes in prayer.  When I tune myself to our Creator, I feel more purposeful and effective.  And still, I have to practice and remind myself. 

Let me know how you do!




Check out (or revisit) the other parts of this series:

• Ten Ways to Love: An Introduction
• Ten Ways to Love: Answer without Arguing
• Ten Ways to Love: Enjoy without Complaint
• Ten Ways to Love: Give without Sparing
• Ten Ways to Love: Listen without Interrupting 
• Ten Ways to Love: Share without Pretending
• Ten Ways to Love: Speak without Accusing
• Ten Ways to Love: Forgive without Punishing 
• Ten Ways to Love: Pray without Ceasing 
• Ten Ways to Love: Trust without Wavering