". . . and the wife must respect her husband." ~~Ephesians 5:33
Really. No,
really. This falls under the heading of "Must". Must do, must have, must work at it, must get better at it, must practice, must model, must learn, must achieve, must attempt with gusto, must provide evidence of, and sometimes, more than sometimes, must force ourselves to do it before our human self ruins the moment . . . or the marriage.
Those who know their Bibles inside and out often miss this command or overlook it in deference to the overall command of "love" that permeates the rest of God's Word. I missed this command for years and now that my husband and I have escaped the whirling winds of the Tornado of Failure that swept us up and held us for too long, I can see with amazing clarity and color -- similar to the effect of Dorothy landing in Oz, with bright color almost blinding in comparison to the dull, lifeless tones of black and white -- how very real the disrespect in society is and how it functions as a living, breathing terror in the lives of just about everyone on the planet. And they don't even know it.
What is respect?I take no stock in Wikipedia on a regular day, but I do appreciate the complexity of its definition here:
re·spect/riˈspekt/
| Noun: | | A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. |
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| Verb: | | Admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements. |
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| Synonyms: | noun. regard - esteem - reverence - deference - consideration verb. honour - honor - esteem - regard - venerate - revere |
Wives need to think about this, memorize the words, recall their dating days with Dear Husband when you said and did things that brought life to the words, and start afresh in bringing them to life right now. No cause for pause, ladies. Your life will change and so will his. Everyone wins. You, him, your kids, your friends, your extended families and soon, others you will share this vital information with because you can't believe the difference a legitimate, purposeful use of "think before you speak" can provide. The joy you find in offering respect to the man who thrives on it will change the way you think, feel and act. You will mirror Christ through it. You will delight in it. And you will have to work at it.
Yes, I wrote it. You will have to make an effort and it will not be easy.
Culture Defines Us Today, but Should It? We Need to Be Peculiar!Titus 2:14 tells us,
"... Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works."God wants us to be different. He asked the Israelites to make themselves different from other races, to dress, act, eat, worship and live differently, to set themselves apart from unbelievers, to be God's chosen people and look like it. And, as Christians, we should follow along the path to peculiarity. Believe me, acting and speaking respectfully to your husband will plunge you right into the peculiarity pool.
Culturally, we have climbed to the top of the sliding board and plummeted to the ground, in my opinion. The Women's Liberation movement of the 1960's (in revolt against the June Cleaver image of the 1950's) began a defiance against authority. It helped throw a tarp over Biblical teaching, covering it with the labels "archaic," "old-fashioned," and "obsolete." Women picked up the mantle of "Equality" and began demanding equal rights. They poured vinegar all over society, acted out in dramatic, rude and unladylike fashion, all in the name of gaining an equal foothold with men.
Biblically, that's wrong. Ephesians 5:22-24 instructs us,
"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."How do we dispute this in daily living?
Please don't think of the husbands who speak and/or act abusively, or who use the Bible as shackles and chains on women to keep them in a wrong place of slavery or demeaning status -- not Biblical. We're talking about sane people, trying to do right, trying to live with godly purpose, as well as about unbelievers who can see The Light and follow it with us. The verse about respect follows this just 9 verses after the above. It's part and parcel. We can't pretend we didn't see it. Submit. Respect. Respect and submit. Submit respectfully. Respectfully submit. Respect with submission. Submit with respect. No matter how you say it, it brings honor to God -- and to your husband.
Television ushered in "The Cosby Show" among others -- "Roseanne", "Married, with Children," and other horror stories depicting men as the dolts or demons of the household. Women took the helm and ruled with iron fists in the name of humor and entertainment. Men reduced to Neanderthal status with brains tuned in to nothing important, uttering funny phrases and laughable deflation of their egos at the hands of "strong" women.
"Strong" = BULLYING here.
The media streaming into our homes floated in disrespect for men at varying levels, along with the giggles and laughter. If we laugh at something, does that mean we condone it? Those around us often believe it to be so.
And many of us take it, hook, line and sinker. Disrespectfulness flows more mightily than anyone in the past decades would believe. Think of the people rolling in their graves at this ... this
modern society.
We need to reel it in and bait those hooks with respect.
It's Make or Break. Seriously.Obviously, I did not discover this respect thing. God gave it to us. It's in black and white and in many languages. It's there once, and it's blatant, no flowery language, no hidden meaning. Through reading and searching books, blogs, and those around me, I discovered its power -- because God put it where I needed it, and probably tried nicely handing it to me more often than I know. I, fully clothed in the self-righteousness only a woman can wear, flew at my struggling husband without seeing him for what he really was, without recognizing his strengths, without noticing that he's as sweet and innocent as our son who exudes his dad's every innocent chromosome on a daily basis. My men share a sense of humor, blond hair, and a deep need to feel esteemed by the woman in their lives: me.
With great clarity, my eyes saw only condemnation through his words and actions. Uncaring, distant, and selfish. That was my husband. And he was. He was because I couldn't see the forest for the trees. I saw the parts that Satan put out there, like the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. What about everything else? All the other trees that would provide for me and keep me safe, healthy and following the right path? I saw only the parts my own selfishness wanted to see, magnified, multiplied and out of proportion. I was horrible, self-righteous and lost. I topped it off with lots of Christian music, church attendance, work in ministry, and volunteer work. I looked great in the eyes of those around me -- everyone except for my husband, the one whom I vowed to honor, cherish and love all the days of my life. I was a facade.
You may have done, or are doing what I did. Do you find yourself filling your life with your kids, with volunteering, or with working more and more? Do you find yourself complaining to other wives about your husband and his long list of short-comings? Do you find yourself cheering inwardly at the agreeing nods and reciprocal stories of other women that do nothing but justify your negative feelings? Do you find yourself following up words with your husband with thought attachments such as, " ... you idiot!" or, "I might as well do it myself."
You need to stop, and stop now. Grab your Bible and read that chapter of Ephesians. Read it again. Memorize it if you can. Write it where you will see it and remember it. Make a poster out of it. Continuing on the path of disrespectfulness will lead to destruction. You will find yourself living only with a roommate, or a housemate, or maybe even alone. Living as a disrespectful wife will not produce fruit. It does not glorify or honor God. It does not hold true to the vows you made on your wedding dat. It does not align with what your husband saw in you when you dated or while you were engaged.
If you live with disrespectful attitudes and ways, you are living in the world. Sinning willfully, even. You are not peculiar, you are just like too many others. Dare to be different and when you do, you will find the husband you thought you lost, and maybe more. He will act differently toward you -- though it may take time. My husband took months to begin trusting me to handle his heart again. But even early on, I found eye contact with him again. I had forgotten how blue his eyes were.
You can start right now by asking forgiveness of God. When you can, now or at some point in the future, ask forgiveness of your husband. If you can't see your shortcomings in this, ask God to show you and be prepared when he does. Ask that he remove your pride from the mix, that he mold your heart, renew your mind, and guide your spirit to his glory. Ask that he open the eyes of your husband's heart, which may be sealed shut to you after a long time of suffering at your hands. Begin measuring your thoughts, words and actions. Let out only:
"...
whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." (Philippians 4:8)Don't hesitate. It will feel foreign at first, and many times it's a hard path to take as you relearn how to be a decent, respectful wife.
As you go, don't forget to let your light shine. You will most certainly see results when you do. This will be God's doing, not yours. Listen intently. Be still, and know that He is God.
We were on our way to pick up a pizza, my son's treat while his dad travels for business this week. The pizza seemed utterly unimportant in the reflection of this young man's status. Ordering a pizza, in light of someone else's need, certainly paints it in the right light. Frivolous. Wasteful. Unnecessary. Self-indulgent. 
