Tales of a Business Traveler's Wife: Pre-Travel Stress

It starts the minute he begins comparing airline ticket costs.  It grows a little more when he makes hotel and car rental reservations.  It multiplies as he rounds up data and prepares presentations for meetings.  It burgeons to it's greatest degree while he hugs and kisses all of us as he rushes out the door to put all of the preparation and planning together.

It's pre-travel stress. 

Traveling creates stress, no matter if it occurs for business or pleasure.  Give me a "whoop" if you have experienced any crankiness or unease when making plans for vacation.  What about when dates available don't match your target dates?  When that last load of laundry just won't dry fast enough?  When questions interrupt thought processes at a pivotal moment?  I feel stress just writing it.


Planning and Preparation Take a Toll

When my husband makes business travel reservations, we all pay here at home.  It's a simple truth that has taken years for us to understand well enough to cha-cha around successfully.  I know that the minute I receive a copy of my husband's travel schedule, he will become quieter, a little sullen and distant, and usually much shorter-tempered.

Pardon the pun, but he and I can temper all of these things.  The biggest obstacle in doing so takes the form of remembering.  Remembering that the planning of  a business trip triggers a whirlpool of negative feelings and outlooks, and then remembering that these reactions offshoot into our everyday life.  Remembering to instruct the children in how to handle the uneasy feelings and unusual reactions around this time, as well as reminding ourselves of these phenomena as the adults in charge.

We need a lifejacket in these times, and this takes the two-layer form of prayer to God and open communication between my husband and me to support us.  When we face the fury with our hatches battened, we understand it better and can control our actions and reactions far more successfully than we used to do.  Pray and talk, pray and talk.  Two steps that go far in gaining a foothold on the stress that tries to pack itself into every nook and cranny of the travel lifestyle.


Pre-Travel Stress Unchecked

For years, my husband suffered not only the stress of impending travel, but of my ignorance of the stress he felt when a trip loomed on the horizon.  I reacted as a victim of the upcoming travel (woe is me) and as a victim of his stress reactions.  When I should have shown sympathy or empathy for his having to uproot and head into the world alone, I showed self-absorption in my own lot in our life. 

Stressors involved in impending business travel can include:

- pressure to keep with status/hierarchy in the business environment
- anxiety over interpersonal relationships in the temporary workplace
- dealing with language barriers (including signage and non-work-related conversation)
- handling of transportation and navigation in unfamiliar territory
- maintaining order of personal belongings and business-related paraphernalia
- keeping up with daily work load in addition to the travel schedule
- loneliness
- knowingly missing activities/events involving children/family
- meeting flights, trains, taxis and scheduled meetings on time
- cultural differences (even within one's home country)
- keeping in touch with family for peace of mind and to fulfill need for connection
- time zone changes

When the business traveler has no confidant (that would be his wife) with whom to divulge his innermost feelings on his travel requirement for work, where does that leave him? 

In the cold, that's where. 

I incorrectly viewed my husband's travel as get-away experiences, sight-seeing and enjoying new places and customs.  He shared photographs and stories that, to me, affirmed these views, neglecting to add that he felt lonely or insecure or disgruntled while on the road.  Men.  Show no weakness.  He did not lean on me, and, stubbornly, I did not lean on him because I lacked understanding of his real situation, and also because I knew that showing him need or weakness added more stress to his already tightly-wound life. 


Checking the Emotional Baggage of Pre-Travel Stress

In the past several years, we have found that it easier to check the emotions involved in this business travel life than to lug them in a carry-on bag and keep them tucked away, taking up space needed for other thoughts and feelings that benefit our relationship.  Knowing negative feelings reside in the bag feels like bringing banned items into an airport ... undesirable, guilt-ridden, uncomfortable, scrutinized and insecure.

Similar to airport security's mission, we have marriage security at stake here, and scanning the contents of our hearts and minds and intently searching through our feelings to share what's really inside gives way to truth and trust.  Once we establish those bonds and keep checking them regularly, we get into a rhythm and everything runs smoothly.

If you throw an unknown into the bag and don't reveal it, the conveyor stops and further investigation takes place -- this leaves a husband and wife doubtful about that forced disclosure as well as about what else might rest in the bag.  Marriage needs total transparency to have complete trust.  Anything that feels tucked into a pocket or disguised in different packaging will raise red flags and cause distrust that will lead to even greater stress for both spouses.

Up-end the mixed bag of feelings you both have collected due to living this kind of life.   Don't let things go until you meet with a forced search and dramatic commotion over supposition and possibility.  Share what you're carrying and you'll find peace of mind, deep trust and devotion, and greater intimacy.


The Send-Off

My business traveler husband will never love what he does, taking to the skies or hitting the highway.  I can either bar him from working out those feelings, thereby creating emotional distance aside from the obvious physical distance from the travel itself, or I can help unload them and label them so that he can move forward feeling heard, respected, loved, dearly missed, and greatly anticipated at the end of his travels.

After sharing the stresses that come from preparing for travel, a husband and wife should make a great effort to plan for the homecoming experience, too. 

- share your yearning for his presence, and your anticipation for his arrival home
- create a count-down on the calendar for each trip and display it for him to see
- plan a homecoming celebration and hint to him about it
- tuck a greeting card or a note into his bag to find upon his arrival at the hotel
- text him and e-mail him, letting him know he is on your mind and in your heart
- ask him to call when he can or use a Facetime or Skype application on your Smart Phone or computer to aid in face-to-face communication

When you begin to practice looking forward to being together again, the stress of each trip still comes out, but you begin to gain more control of it.  Some travels produce more stress than others, so it makes sense to gauge stress and the need to vent or discuss it from trip to trip.  One method of handling the pre-trip jitters and upheaval will not fit every travel situation.

The most important thing is to pray for peace, guidance, strength and grace for both of you as the plans progress, and create some patterns with room for surprises as the departure date nears.  Surprise him with a special dessert, a short outing around town, or a stroll in the park, giving him some unexpected time to unwind with a something to divert his attention.

Tales of a Business Traveler's Wife: Missing Special Days

As a wife of a traveling businessman, I look forward to weekends.  Weekend days give our family some undivided time of being "normal"--  even if we have to travel to a soccer game an hour away or run errands as part of it.  Not having to share those hours with anything work-related makes those days fulfilling.  I have a husband for two whole days, living and breathing in the same area code, and keeping me safe and close all night. 

But not always.


You'll Be Where?  WHEN?

This weekend won't turn out that way.  My husband will spend those weekend days more than a thousand miles away, leaving those of us at home to go on with life as usual.  Except it won't be usual.  We will miss him.  Having children home from school with lots of free time to spend will feel unusual because their dad won't share it with them.  Preparing dough and toppings for our traditional Saturday homemade pizza will feel incomplete.  No will request green peppers and hot sausage and we will have too much room in the refrigerator with fewer leftover slices.  Three of us will go to bed with the uncomfortable "someone is missing" feeling in our hearts.

Our two cats will act strangely, entering areas of the house at times they never usually do, looking for the Tall Human with the Deep Voice.

In short, the man's absence throws all of us off and has us yearning for "normal" in and acting in abnormal ways.  You just don't take away part of our equation and have us balance.

We are a four-person show and one of our cast members will go missing.  And we miss him, as well as all he brings to our act.


Is Nothing Sacred?

Business travel does not hold off for family plans.  It doesn't stand aside for birthdays, though my husband tries to adjust his schedule to be here for family dinners and birthday cake.  He has missed a child's birthday just once.  He has missed mine, once, too, which I okayed when he asked and then wanted to renege.  Live and learn.

So far, Christmas and Thanksgiving remain untouched, travel-wise, but Easter doesn't count in most of the world.  Halloween, though we aren't particularly fans of it, falls to the evident whims of business travel.  The customer can make the time, so the vendor must make an appearance, no matter how cute his children will look in their chosen costumes on October 31.  A bitty Buzz Lightyear can't grind the gears of business to a halt even when he employs every space-age foil in his four-year old repertoire to attempt it.  He saves Daddy some of his favorite candy and hopes next year will turn out better.

Weekends have taken a clipping on either end for cheaper plane fares, late Friday meetings or early Monday meetings. Who are these thoughtless people planning these meetings?
Vacation plans have changed for business travel overrides.
Family celebrations have come up one person short.
Campfires and bike rides have happened with the Fearless Family Leader on guard from afar and included in the only ways possible -- via text messages, phone calls and shared photos.

Very little, it seems, goes into the "special" column when the call of the customer comes, or when management decides a meeting makes sense.


We Manage Because We Must

My husband doesn't want to have to choose.  I know that, and one of my jobs entails supporting what he needs to do and thanking him for his sacrifice.  Most definitely, business travel requires more sacrifice and suffering than it offers peace or enjoyment.   I also have the call to buffer the fall-out from children who will never understand why their dad takes off at what looks to them like "whenever he feels like it".  They grow used to having less of their dad in their lives, but they never grow to like it.

Tolerance, it seems to me, makes the best choice.  I certainly can't fight my husband's job description, can I?  I can tolerate his absence and make better choices with the time we have him at home.

What can I do?  I can pray for peace and understanding in myself.  I can pray for our children to understand and to take a stand for their dad -- his job pays their way in the world and activities they enjoy, as well as for our needs in this life.  I can pray for my husband's well-being and safety at every take-off and landing as well as in flight, and on every inch of  pavement between us.  Prayer is big, and when I focus on it I feel God's protective hand on all of us.  He has supported us through all these years and has no plans to stop now.

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” ~Deuteronomy 31:8

With a business traveler for a husband, I can either accept and manage with dignity and perseverance, or I can resist and mismanage with lackluster behavior and a negative attitude.  The choice seems clear!


Every Day Is Special and Important

When it comes right down to it, the days my husband has to miss cannot break our spirits, turn our attitudes south, or break our family to bits -- unless one of us allows it.

Every day is a new day in this life, a box on the calendar that we can fill with purpose, joy and love, or with complaining, aimlessness and disgust.  Our family has learned to get through the days of a "Missing Dad" and missing dad, and come out on the other side of his itinerary looking forward to his return and what we will do together on whatever day we can find to do it.

We make special days out of any day.  Sure, sometimes it feels very hard to give up a fun plan or an exciting event, but we will have others.  We can't go out for Trick or Treat on any day but October 31, but we can share the candy afterward.  We might miss sharing a soccer goal, a great hit in softball, or a school music concert in person, but we have learned the joy of sharing the video and making use of "instant replay" to rewind and watch the spectacular scenes again and again.

I will not stop missing the man I love when he flies the friendly skies or traces a trip through the screen of his GPS, but I have learned enough to know that special days happen every day.  How we celebrate them comes right down to our choice of when, why and how.

After all ...

This is the day that the Lord has made;

    let us rejoice and be glad in it.  ~Psalm 118:24 (emphasis added)

Other Articles in This Series:

• Tales of a Business Traveler's Wife
• Tales of a Business Traveler's Wife: Jealousy
• Tales of a Business Traveler's Wife: Loneliness
• Tales of a Business Traveler's Wife: Missing Special Days
• Tales of a Business Traveler's Wife: Single Mom Syndrome
• Tales of a Business Traveler's Wife: How Does She Do It All?

Tales of a Business Traveler's Wife: How Does She Do It All?

As the wife of a business traveler, I have handled home life alone for days and weeks at a time without fail or fanfare.  Over the years, I have enjoyed the reactions of people who don't have a traveling spouse, who have never spent more than a night or two away from their husbands.  Some of them look a little green-eyed at the idea, but I would hand it off in the blink of an eye.  So would my husband.  It's a skill set I wish I had no need to develop.  God put me here, and this is what I do.

He equipped the called.  It's true.  And, in the years I have served in this role I have seen --

Wide eyes as I appear in the church narthex, on time for services, with an infant and a toddler.
Amazement at my ability to leave the house alone with small children to shop or get to appointments.
Wonder at the 24-hour, no-relief time clock I checked into, but never out of, and that I hadn't hit self-destruct, yet.
Shock that I hadn't appeared unglued, unkempt, or unprepared for whatever schedule changes happened.
Larger and more sassy children in these later years.
Marveling that I can keep them occupied, fed and at scheduled activities without any relief from their out-of-town dad.

Most of all, I think that because I have never complained, cried, begged help, asked for time off or looked frazzled in any way, I perplexed people.

Seriously.  It's nothing any other parent wouldn't do in the same situation.  My husband would do it, if I had the travel role.  Anyone would, even if she doesn't think she could.  God equips a person.  He teaches patience on different levels, he throws time management into the mix, he stirs in a little chaos, a bit of loneliness, and some unexplained phenomena (the shower that drizzles about 2 cups of water in the middle of the night, only when my husband travels) to test my abilities, to see what I'm made of a little more clearly.

I have acted as the Single Mother, in a sense.  I have managed and made mistakes in everything from A to Z that a household might meet during every season or month of the year.

If it snowed, I shoveled it.
If it grew, I cut it.  Grass, hair, finger and toe nails, and sometimes low-hanging tree branches.
If it rained torrentially and filtered into the basement, I bailed it.
If it cried, I soothed it.
If it grew dirty, I cleaned it.  Diapers, kitchen floors, bathrooms, clothing, windows, siding and dishes.
If it didn't sleep, I sang to it.
If it hungered, I fed it.  Kid or cat.
If it required money, I paid it.  Doctor, dentist, preschool tuition, picture day, field trip fee, grocery bill.
If it felt lonely, I drew near.

When you are in it, you don't think a lot about it until the night grows quiet or the children nap at the same time, giving you time to think.

I do best when I don't think about how much time has passed since he left, and how much time will pass before he hugs me again and fills our home with his presence and his deep, soothing voice.  I do best when I don't consider what I might miss of him while he has to stay elsewhere.  I do best when I remember what he represents, why I feel thankful for him, and what blessings I have received because of him.

Without his traveling role, I would not have some of the abilities I have practiced in his absence.  I would depend more fully on him and probably add a different stress to his already stressful days.  I would more than likely have missed many opportunities to travel with him, and to stay in some of the fantastic places that otherwise would have strained our funds without airline miles and hotel points.

How does this wife do it all?  The Business Traveler's Wife has a full-time, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful counterpart to her one-woman show.  He remains unseen, as he has for many years.  He's the Man of the Hour, the Beginning and the End.  He is God.

Without him, I can't make it.  With him, apparently, I can do it all.

Tales of a Business Traveler's Wife: Single Mom Syndrome

I do not claim to have the abilities, stamina and focus of a single mom.  I have only dabbled in the craft a true single mom must master for as long as God has her in that role.

However, I have lived a single mom existence in the short-term because my husband travels for work.  When a person has a spouse who leaves town for a few days on business, or on military duty for much longer periods of time, she takes on a very different life in comparison to those who live every day and sleep every night in the same home.

When I have parented alone I have done so with the knowledge that I will have my partner back with me in a matter of hours, days, or weeks, at most. When he has other roles in faraway places, I keep the  schedule going here, taking what comes as gracefully as I can.

Some days, that's not very much.

  

When I ran the show on my own, I didn't use an iron fist but I did sometimes sit in the Director's chair with a megaphone.  Some of the grace I might have offered got squashed by desire to get through the day without a hitch and with my sanity intact.  I didn't invite God in to guide me, and neither asked for nor took advice from anyone.  Not asking for God's guidance put me on the "I am" track.  I am in charge.  I am good at this.  I am responsible.  I am independent.  

I forgot one:  I am mistaken in thinking any of these.

The Single Mom Syndrome that this Business Traveler's Wife wired for herself had much to do with remaining as Director all day, every day, even when my husband had returned from his journey.  The will to remain in charge -- not lose an ounce of control over the home and hearth production, steeled inside me.  I couldn't lose the edge.  Couldn't let the cast go to another director who may ... gasp ... change the direction of the entire production! 

I had settled into my role of housekeeper, disciplinarian, fact checker, banker, taxi service, laundress, cook, personal trainer, hygiene attendant, gardener, and one-woman show very easily after years of practice.  Seasoned.  That described me.  I knew the ropes, all the lines, and how to deliver them.  I lacked only the star on my dressing room door illustrating my diva-nity.  

My husband probably appeared a mite confused upon his grand entrance into our home as he shook the cares of the outside world from his shoulders after each trip.  I don't recall these moments, too busy to pay attention to that detail.  He entered the scene to some, "Hi, Daddy" chirps and a peck on the cheek from his still-directing wife.  Feeling ill at ease at his "Director" status missing from the marquise, omitted from the script and a mere hint as a supporting player in future family scenes, I know he felt written out of the script at times.

He had only a bit part.  His speaking part barely existed, and I prompted him on it, believing he needed guidance.  He did not know the sequence of the daily scene.  More prompting from me, more of me believing he didn't get it.  The child actors did not always submit to his authority.  I stepped in to direct them ... and him.  He had little stage presence, looking kind of lonely and out of place against the activity of the rest of the players.  He began to wonder if his wife has written his character out of the production, and if his children even knew he existed.

When my bad acting finally dawned on me  -- like a giant, wooden disk-like sun falling full-force on my head -- it took more than a little practice, relearning of lines and rehearsal to get the scene back to a quality level again, worthy of performance on the home front and in the real world.  

Any wife can make these changes, whether her husband travels or not.  If a wife runs the show, directs the action and takes supreme creative control, she can change, with the help of God in self-control.  It took me years to figure it out, mainly because when our children were very small, they excited easily at Daddy's return, and my role more naturally swayed to his lead.  But, as the children aged and grew accustomed to the leaving and returning rotation, they took Daddy's arrivals home in stride.  Nothing new, nothing exciting.  Poor Dad!

In order to return my Dear Director to the privileges of his position, I did the following:

• PRAYED.  I had taken on a larger role for a long time, and had gotten out of hand.  I needed God-inspired guidance in this.  I couldn't and still can't do it alone.
• Learned to prepare our children (pre-teen age) for their dad's arrival, making sure they had cleaned up their messes and attitudes, and offered a proper, loving welcome to the man who provides for them.
• I remembered that though I could manage the entire production alone,  I didn't want to do it full-time, and that I hold the Assistant Director's role in our marriage, allowing my husband the Director's chair advantage and working closely with him to manage this difficult production called "Marriage and Raising Children."
• I gave up the desire to have things run the way I thought best, and learned to brainstorm, compare, contrast and blend the desires of my husband with mine, and follow his very capable lead.
• I had to remember that not every line started or ended with me chiming in with an opinion, an aside or a rebuttal.  Each actor has his own lines, and my preferences don't override theirs. 

My husband dove right in to leading again, sincerely asking my opinion, seeking my input in decision-making and even deferring to me in certain situations.  Sha-zaaaam!  Unexpected!

When I stepped into my God-given role of help-meet and left the leading to my husband, I relaxed.  He relaxed!  Our home life settled down to a manageable level of hubbub.  Our children still perform sibling rivalry at Oscar-level caliber, but they handle themselves with greater pride and look to their dad for guidance, usually more often than they look to me.  I'm the comforting parent, he's the action guy.

When I continually seek God's guidance in parenting and in marriage, and seek my husband's preferences, opinions and concerns next, I feel confident of the path to take, and find the Assistant Director's job easier than when I took a higher role.  Now, when I step up to lead in the absence of my husband, I don't try to outshine him, I don't act alone, and I can't wait until I can share any issues and successes with him.

I've discovered that the Director and Assistant Director work closely, and when the roles require some reversal, the change happens fluidly, naturally.  The way God intended.  When the reversal has served its purpose, we return to our roles without fanfare and with smooth transitions.

If I had paid attention to the Almighty Director in the first place, we would have suffered a lot less heartache, disappointment, failure and misspoken lines.  We would have shared the script, learned our parts and moved on to future productions with the grace God has offered all along.

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Tales of a Business Traveler's Wife: Jealousy

Having a business traveler husband does provide a handful of advantages.  All that traveling earns mileage and hotel points, and many meals on the road allow for quite a bit of restaurant experience.  Each of these "perks" benefits our family occasionally.  Furthermore, my husband can lead me through an airport to the right gate and on time, no matter how short the layover.  He knows how to handle rental vehicles from pick-up to return without having to ask questions.  He carries an admirable finesse in the outside world and a polished manner that comes from years of on-the-go travel training.

He also has a jealous wife.              

I miss the many roles he plays in our home and marriage when he's not at home, and most of all the comfort of his presence.  I let him know I will miss him, and express my feelings plainly and without dramatic displays (not my style, anyway).  He understands what I mean and hearing me state my case makes him feel revered, respected, loved and important.  Jealousy does not enter the picture here.

My landscape remains mostly the same.  I enjoy the comfort of the home every day that my husband, by the grace of God, provides for us.  My husband would like that sameness, which would match his more structured manner of living, and avoid the changes he prefers to resist.  He likes comfortable patterns.  He wants to feel cared for and to have the advantages of being married in all the forms available to him, and why shouldn't he?  Yet I feel jealous.  Grrrrr.

I don't mention that I feel this way, mainly because when he stands ready for a good-bye kiss, I don't have a smidgen of jealousy anywhere, and it never enters my mind.  It never surfaces during the time he travels.  I forget the feeling completely.

The jealousy hits when he's here again, sometimes creeping in while he shares photos or when he wows the kids with foam stress balls, ballpoint pens and nifty flashlights he picked up for them at a trade show.  I feel a little green when he points out locations he has visited or may visit in the future.  When he raves over a menu choice at a restaurant, I smile and remember the leftovers we consumed last night.  I don't begrudge him the experience, but I feel a little left out.

Shame on me.

Do I feel jealous that he has a nice time, eats well and sees some amazing sights?  I pretty much do.  I'm ashamed to a degree, and after all these years you'd think I'd have adjusted.  I've regressed, actually, though the jealousy is a tiny fraction of my feelings -- almost not worth mentioning, but it happens without warning.  Small as it is, it irritates me that it arrives at all.  Like a single mosquito, whining for attention and too crafty to slap.

I pray about it as it happens, and feel the relief of weight lifting from me.  I shouldn't feel it, but I know to go to God immediately to avoid piling on more and possibly acting out on it, which I have never done.  It does not consume me, it irritates.

Oh, travel, you thief!  I feel terrible that he loses sleep and misses time to unwind and relax at home.  I hate that he works late into the night to keep up with usual responsibilities as well as perform the necessary parts of the travel itinerary.  I hate that sometimes he sits down to dinner while I climb into bed for the night, and that he has little hope of getting to bed again until the clock has passed midnight.  I regret that he has to wade through lots of wasted time that he can't control, has to sleep in uncomfortable beds, must endure loud air conditioners and inconsiderate neighbors, and put up with long waits for security checks at the airport not to mention cramped airplane seating.  I hate knowing that he feels lonely, that he "lives alone" during his time away, and that we both lie in bed at night waiting for him to return home.  And the small pangs of envy invade at the thought of having just a little of his experience, and to have the experience of enjoying the welcoming at home.

When I realize that the jealousy I feel has strings attached, I know that God has tied them there.  My jealous self would want to enjoy the trip, see the sights, order varied selections at my choice of restaurants (those without drive-thru windows or plastic trays for carrying food) and relax well, when not taking in the sights and attractions of the location du jour.  My "living in the real world" husband doesn't have the option for any of those.  I would want to travel to the airport and take my time getting to the gate, enjoy the flight, and take a few side trips between the airport and the hotel.  Those things don't exist on the itinerary for the man I married.  I'm jealous of a dream more than of the reality.

And with that, God just gave me a new angle ... I have learned another, more important lesson, and that is this:  I feel jealous of the travel, as if it were a living thing.  That untouchable entity that envelops my husband, whisks him away, holds him out of my reach, treats him to things I'll never experience or share with him, and then sends him home again when it has exhausted him, wrung him out like a rag.

I'm jealous that it sometimes gets the best of him and leaves him hoping to offer our marriage more, knowing he has little left to give.  He tries and succeeds, but suffers consequences.  He knows he provides our needs with his work, for which he sacrifices so much.  Travel steals a lot of his joy, which it didn't used to do.   I want for him to enjoy what he experiences, though he usually just gets through on fumes.  I hope he will recover quickly, but the travel returns to take him again and adds more time to the recovery process the next time.

Yes, I'm jealous of travel.  It gives, but it also takes.  It's business, after all.

Tales of a Business Traveler's Wife

He sees the airport in each city, and gets to know which hotel offers more comfort and accessibility near those airports.  He has Gold status with Hertz.  He has perfectly polished hotel manners.  He has no trouble asking for assistance or for information.  He puts more miles on rental cars than he does his own vehicle.  He sleeps and wakes alone.  He often eats meals solo, one of the things he hates most.  He has excellent rapport with coworkers, with representatives of other businesses, and with those who work in positions of service in his travels.

When he arrives home, he doesn't want to make phone calls or negotiate any issues.  He wants peace.  He wants to feel respected.  He wants to feel that we missed him while he traveled.  He wants quiet company, and to have his family enjoy meals together.  He hopes for solace and not strife.  He wants a bit more perfection than children can muster, but doesn't expect it.  He wants to stay home and relax in his favorite chair.  He wants to share his experiences, but not have to revisit the work-oriented aspects of them. He wants to sleep in his own bed, snuggling with his wife.  He wants ... to ... just ... be.

I, his wife, love to travel.  I like a little chaos.  I don't mind some disagreement or argumentativeness in the name of debate; sharing ideas and sometimes having opposing thoughts.  I don't mind eating alone, even in a crowded restaurant, and would jump at the chance to travel most of the world, even if I had to explore alone.  And I have ... the exploring alone part, but not without him worrying every minute.  That, because the man I love has had to engage in the business aspect of the trip he has invited me to share with him.  He sits in the office, I ride the Metro.  I like road trips, with or without hotel reservations.  I don't like to ask for directions or for help.  I do well in posh hotels or in the Motel 6, either way.  I don't know many airports very well.

Our opposite tastes mesh, and we complement each other.  Just as God intended.

While I wait at home for this man to return from Seattle or St. Louis, from Detroit or Denver, or from a more rare overseas excursion, I pray often.   I pray for his protection, that his words be direct and win over those with whom he meets, that he represent truth and the right way.  I pray that temptation will not overtake him in any form.  I pray that he will arrive home safe and whole to his family, and I pray that we can pick right up where we left off, as if he hadn't ever left home. 

I hate that he travels, but not as much as he does.  Some days he'll say, "I'm too old for this."  I look at him, his perplexed expression, and know that he isn't too old, but that the travel has worn on him.  He wasn't meant for globe trotting, but he does what he has to do and does it well.  He makes a terrific example of gentlemanliness when he is out in the world.  He also leans toward crazy and quirky activities, acting the comedian or the ring master, depending on the situation.  He entertains his business companions, as well as promotes a positive work ethic.

At the end of the day, I pray some more.  Whether he has embarked on another trip, or sits beside me watching television, I thank God for his perseverance, persistence and patience in doing what he does not want to do.  I pray that I can have the self-control and patience he exhibits with people who rub him the wrong way.  And, I pray the reverse; that he can have patience with the everyday, after giving all his patience to others who expect it, but don't act as if they deserve it.  I pray thankful prayers that this man is mine, and that though I have to miss him immensely, we remain one, even at a distance.

I pray that his example, out there in the world, helps someone.  Many times, he has found help from others, and has had tremendous experiences to share or give or acknowledge his faith in a quiet way.  I appreciate his quiet ways most.  They speak louder than a sermon and more purposefully than a well-planned lesson.

I also pray that he could know these things about himself, that he could see how God has worked in his life more clearly, and that he could truly, without a doubt, believe that he is an heir of our Father in Heaven.  Work does not define him.  God does.

Volcanic Ash

My sympathy goes to anyone who is having their business trip/holiday ruined by this.
The only thing that concerns me is that I have heard (informally) about at least two mega European airlines that have a firm and tested view that the risks have been hugely exagerated.
They have sent their own test planes up and they have returned without a scratch.
I hope we are not all causing ourselves so much pain for possibly nothing.
I feel it too as my long haul holiday is supposed to start in days.

Into the Unknown

What do I know about blogging? Pass me a postage stamp someone and I will write it all down on the back of it and have room to spare.

Business Travel? Well that is a different matter.
At least I hope so as I have been devoted to that particular industry in one shape or form for over forty years. During that time I have worked for airlines and agencies starting in the filing unit and ending up as Managing Director for HRG UK, the country's biggest travel management company.

So did I learn anything during that time and is it still worth passing on? Do I have any stories that are funny, absurd or maybe even educational. Am I a bitter and twisted old git?! Well dear reader (if you are out there) you will shortly find out as my objectives for setting up this site are:

To comment on issues of the day.
To speak out in a way that was constrained in the past when I had shareholders to consider.
To tell some travel life stories that are in part informative, hopefully amusing and almost entirely true.
To try and answer any reasonable questions where I think I can inform and add value.

So lets see how I get on. I am my worst critic so if I fail I will disapear as quickly back into the ether as I emerged out of it.