I didn't have a choice.
There was no way around it.
I didn't realize it until it was too late.
I take it back.
Let's start again.
The Devil made me do it.
We All Make Easy MistakesMistakes? We've all made them. Bad choices? Yep. We make wrong turns in life, we ask for "do-overs" that don't ever succeed in erasing a mistake or a hurt. When we do or say the wrong thing we can't take it back, make it disappear, change it into something else, fix it ... or forget it completely.
Whatever I choose to do counts.
Every action has a consequence. Everything I say, do and think matters. Every choice or preference leaves its own specific feedback in the lives of everyone involved ... even when I think I'm making choices that affect only
me. My choices affect my husband, too, whether he knows of them or not.
We all nod in agreement when we think of us all lumped in together, doing small "this or that" items that we know we shouldn't and then having to suffer consequences. If I forget to return library books on time I will pay a fine. If I eat too much my clothing will not fit (like now, for instance). If I don't keep up with my family's laundry none of us will have clean clothes to wear. Simple and straightforward,
what I do matters. I get it. I understand. No problem.
But.
Got Secrets?It feels a lot different when sin sits deeper than the surface. The hidden or secret things a person may do -- on the sly or within the confidence of another person -- that we don't want anyone else to discover don't come out of hiding easily, even when talked to nicely and offered a cookie. Those secret sins, if uncovered, will change the way others perceive us. Those secret sins begin to leak, like the juices from rotting food in the refrigerator, and cause people to sniff, wonder and search for the problem. Soon, the whole place begins to smell funny -- you just can't stop it until you reach in there, find the bad piece, and remove it for good.
Recently, a couple of officers of our Parent-Teacher Organization at school found their secrets uncovered in a check-writing scheme, in which tens of thousands of dollars left the group's bank account and went to their personal accounts. Someone caught a funny smell in the air, began searching, and within a period of time, the rotten thing showed. The school district removed it, and now the police have the job of handling the situation as the law dictates. Whether a fine or jail time comes to them in the future, the ladies will pay a penalty.
These women can find forgiveness from God, but the aftermath will take years to rebuild in the community and maybe in their families, as well. Excuses they offered don't matter. They lied and stole. They have to get busy doing whatever it takes to show that they can handle trust again.
Secret sin has to be removed in order to live in harmony with our mates (as well as others around us) and with God. God won't bless us with sin in the way, and our husbands won't be able to figure out our odd behavior, which secretiveness brings, no matter how we try to conceal the falsehoods and live as if nothing foul is leaching from the back of the refrigerator.
Choosing to deviate from God's path for you may appear in your life as:
- financial indiscretion or a shopping addiction.
- eating (too much or too little) in secret.
- having an opposite-sex friendship that feels fulfilling and seems innocent.
- lying -- of all kinds and sizes.
- engaging in an affair (emotional or sexual) with subsequent blame/rationale.
- uncontrolled electronic/technological activity.
- insert your secret sin here: _________________
You Can Find Forgiveness and You Will Have Work to Do!No matter what your poor choice(s), your deviation from the right path, God will forgive -- i
f you ask with a contrite (sincerely sorry
) heart. A mighty thought to have is that all of us have the power to change, through His grace and mercy, and to climb out of the pits we have dug to higher and higher ground, led by Him,
not by man.
But we won't be able to change the consequences, erase the wrongs we did, or make everyone touched by our thoughtlessness and selfishness feel warm and fuzzy, hunky-dory, and right as rain in one prayerful act.
There's nothing like forgiveness to cheer up a human being. At the same time, there's nothing like dealing with the consequences of our actions to keep us mindful of just how far our own selfishness and tunnel vision took us, and then, we see our husbands, children, friends and family alongside our jagged pathway, as if thrown from the vehicle ... bedraggled, hurt (maybe gravely), confused, distrustful, and in shock.
God will forgive me. Then the hard part begins.
I have to work really hard to get back the devotion, trust, love, and support of those whom I may have ignored, hurt, betrayed, deceived, or confused. Did I say "work really hard?" I tend to understate things when I'm not overstating them. The truth is, I will not get off anywhere close to easy, and should I? Absolutely not. If I have acted care
lessly, I should have to prove that I can act care
fully. I must take as much time as my victims need in order to regain their trust and all the other attributes that I have lost by my own choices. I will live under a microscope for as long as it takes to show that I know I have done wrong, that I want to change, and that I work for that change.
God will not wash away the consequences. The sin? Yes. The rest is up to me. I must sincerely work at changing myself through prayer, learning, studying, sharing and communicating well with the man I married, as well as with those people in my life who should be in it. Those I have invited into my life via the intrusive, wrong behaviors, I must usher out and close the door for good. For the good of everyone involved!
A Sin Is a Sin, No Matter How SmallWhile committing adultery or grand theft don't seem the same as holding a library book too long or driving faster that the posted speed, all have consequences that we must face.
Continuing to try to hide, working to keep up appearances, hoping no one mentions a difficult subject or moves in the direction of your secret is no way to live. Make the changes now. Take on your own sin, take it to the Father of All and lay it out before him. Every stinking, rotten detail. And ask His forgiveness.
Then, get to work. You can do it. Know how I know? You'll have God on your side.
