There once was a big Jewish firm called Goldwoman Sucks. It was not welcomed in Malaysia, I wondered why. Jewish they say, my country's got enough "Chinese Jews", they'd say. So they set up shop in HK and Singapore, and funnily enough, hired many Malaysians. Heard from the pantry/water fountain talk last week at Goldwoman Sucks offices in Singapore:
GS BSD: Hey fucker, you finished that sell report on Vietnam already or not, the bloody dong already collapsing and they just announce a 21% inflation rate, you fuckin cb mf, pay you S$200,000 to do fuckall, should have hired that UM grad... you fucking useless government scholar... Colombo Plan, colombo my ass... he's fucking one-eyed like you... get the fuckouttamyoffice u piece of shit... Ask Angie to come in...
Angie: Yes boss...
GS BSD: This Vietnam piece of shit is not gonna cut it, we are a bit late already.
Angie: Yea, plus clients have already taken tons of Berjaya Land, Capitaland, Gamuda and SP Setia from us... some have started to dump and making snide remarks... We issue sell on Vietnam also not much use now, clients will ask why we put them in first and so late in getting them out...
GS BSD: Wait, lemme think.... we need a diversion... hey, Indonesia also not looking good right?
Angie: Well, if you must, their inflation is creeping up... I guess I can get Mano from Regional Economics side to paint an ugly picture...
GS BSD: Yes, this sounds good, what else.... any more bad news we can throw together?
Angie: Jimmy in sales told me that anti-government protests in Bangkok going into their fifth day and growing stronger..
GS BSD: Brilliant.... now can sell Vietnam, Thailand and Indonesia... ask economics to get on it... ask them to come up with a quick ugly scenario and downgrade strategy.. we ask them to sell so many countries, clients won't feel a thing when they actually cut losses on Gamuda or Capitaland...ha-ha... bonus secured this year!!!
Angie: What about HK??
GS BSD: Fuck HK, not under my watch, that James a-hole is looking after Greater China, fuck if I care
Angie: Do we keep Malaysia and Singapore at neutral then?
GS BSD: Hey, that's an idea... didn't DrM resigned from whatNO already??
Angie: Its UMNO boss.... and Anwar's getting stronger.
GS BSD: That's it, put Malaysia in as a sell as well...
Angie: But... their ringgit is strong and has good outlook...
GS BSD: WE are the biggest mfuckers in the world, our prop desk can kill any small currency la... lemme give Ajip a call, he can help keep the ringgit steady or weakish for a couple of weeks after the report... no problem. We will look like heroes.
Angie: Err, the results have been slightly disappointing, but its dividend yield is still the highest in the region, plus they have one of the highest foreign reserves/capita, and their Bank Negara has managed to keep a lid on inflation...
GS BSD: Why you keep telling me shit la... all these can be ignored, just put scary titles... Vietnam Contagion... political instability, inflation out of countrol, sell the 4 fucking countries... people won't look at the underlying fundamentals, especially since it comes from Goldwoman Sucks...
Angie: Wouldn't that piss off the big guys in Malaysia, how to do deals in the future?
GS BSD: That's what you have to learn, even in giving bad news, these aholes can still be pacified. I just give a quick personal call to Krazanaah and tell my buddy there of our impending negative call - he will appreciate being inside the loop. I make a couple more phone calls to some so called BSDs in Malaysia, they'd like to think that they are anyway..lol... they all in our pocket already... let them think they have a bit more insider info, they think they are masters of the universe, fuckers...
Angie: What about Singapore?
GS BSD: You crazy aahh... we work in Singapore la... remember Andy Xie, see where is he now... don't play-play, cannot touch them one.
Angie: But why these 4 countries, why now?
GS BSD: Hey, I am in charge of these 5-6 countries, for our bonuses to kick in, I have to create volatility, these fucking stock prices don't move, we make nothing... we need to see volatility... fuckers in new york don't care how we get there but must show them the money ... this is a great opportunity, every fucker in town afraid of moving stocks up or down... these fucking mice all waiting for a fucking flute player... I'm the fucking flute player, lets make some money. MUuuaaahhhahahah!!! King of the world...
p/s photos: Pancake Khemanit
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