We are all different.
Thank God for that.
Had the Creator made cookie cutter productions as the human race, can you imagine the uninteresting view from where you sit? Ugh. Dull. Bland. Void of individuality. Nothing new or ... different.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. ~~Psalm 139:14
Each one of us has talents and shortcomings, pros and cons, abundance of ability and voids of the same. Each of us has a special shape and size, and 23 chromosomes from each of our parents that decide our biological destiny with some possible surprises in the final product. Our personalities match and clash. Our senses of humor and our emotional capacities vary. Our brain power fluctuates from person to person, some strong in one area, others showing great potential from a list of other strengths.
We are all, every one of us, different. Taller, shorter, thinner, wider, darker, lighter, curly hair, straight hair (I used to pray for hair lush with waves ...), and code upon code of other characteristics. One thing remains constant:
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27
We are all created in the image of God. His desire to fill the world with little likenesses of Himself for his delight, for his companionship, for his Divine Plan gave us all similarities we can't explain away. Aside from defects, disabilities and physical traumas, we all come equipped with two each of eyes, ears, arms, hands, sets of fingers, legs, feet, sets of toes ... and who needs this anatomy lesson? We are alike as much as we are different.
The dilemma we face most often, from generation to generation is in getting along together. Rather than cooperate and act amiably, we compare ourselves, feel superior or inferior, take on attitudes that reflect our superiority or inferiority, build on those attitudes, form friendships and relationships around them and suffer relentless backlash from our own points of view and frames of mind bumping around among all the other views and mindsets in the world. It matters very little which state you live in, in which nation, or on which continent, you will likely find yourself with those who think as you do, and often avoiding those who do not. And then, there's marriage. How interesting that we seem to think so similarly before we approach the altar, and then once we repeat the same vows to each other we unlock a sort of latent desire to disagree and diverge from what appeared as normal, agreeable, like-minded behavior. Where did that man go who met me at the altar? Don't worry. He's across the room from you, wondering what happened to you.
Theodore Roosevelt said, "The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people." I doubt this means "tolerate" them. Rather, getting along means accepting people for their differences, not necessarily agreeing with them, but acknowledging them as fellow humans and reaching out, in Christ-like love, to make the best of what we have here in this life. To help, to share, and to offer friendship and concern for every life, not just those we prefer and those who agree with or act like us.
"Yes, we are all different. Different customs, different foods, different mannerisms, different languages, but not so different that we cannot get along with one another. If we will disagree without being disagreeable," noted J. Martin Kohe. I never would have thought of Sammy Davis, Jr., as a philosopher, but he hit the mark when he said, "Real success is not on the stage, but off the stage as a human being, and how you get along with your fellow man."
When I apply these scriptures and philosophies to marriage, I find that I can forget very easily how alike I am to my husband and can more easily dwell on the differences that alarm and appall me instead of fascinate and intrigue me. I can easily forget that the differences attracted me in the first place, and I need to focus on those in the light of how they fulfill our life together. I can far more easily take up a martyr's mantle and steel myself for a long line of go-nowhere battles that bring the spoils of victory to one of us and leave the other feeling defeated and undervalued in the relationship. This is not the behavior set aside for marriage. In the book, The Marriage You've Always Wanted, Dr. Gary Chapman states,
"When I counsel couples, I often give them paper and pencil and ask them to write for me the things they dislike about their partner. You should see the lists. Some have to request additional paper. They write furiously and freely. Then, a bit later, I ask that they list for me what they feel to be their own weaknesses. Their response is amusing. Usually, they can think of one weakness right away, so they write that one down. Then, they have to really think to come up with that second one. Some never find it. Is that not amazing? Only one little thing wrong with me (or at most three or four), but my mate has dozens of failures."
Try this exercise. You'll speedily list his faults and horrid habits, and find you can barely form words for your own shortcomings. My goodness, do I have any? What a miracle of human perfection, am I? Whew! That's a load off, seeing my short list compared to his.
Are you brave enough to ask him for a list of the same type?
Thank God we are not cookie cutter people. We all have different outlooks, abilities, thoughts, likes and dislikes, ideals and a few opposite core beliefs. When we stop fighting against the differences we find interesting conversation and sometimes more likenesses than we knew before. Each of us in a marriage relationship should make a great effort to accommodate the differences, looking at them in the way we view pepper and salt. One brings out flavor, the other adds some spice to the dish.
Appreciate each other for the enhancements in life. Find joy in the spice each of you provides in an otherwise ordinary day in the life of married people. We aren't all out there rock climbing and concocting gourmet meals every day of the week. Most of us fall into cookie cutter lifestyles, day in, day out. Same-same.
Enjoy being different, and having a spouse who accents those differences with his own quirks, abilities and points of view. Celebrate him and the dynamic duo you make together.
Maybe matching capes would come in handy. Or bathrobes. Whichever floats your boat and will make you feel more comfortable as you go through this life together.
;)
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