As for me, I forget important dates, appointments, how to make that caramel icing the right consistency, to pick up items I planned to take with me to other locations, to put water out for the cat, and just why did I walk down the stairs into the cellar in the first place? Sometimes I feel my brain just doesn't cooperate, no matter what intentions I have tried to thumbtack to it.
Minds clutter with too much workload, trivial bits of information, baffling conversations with toddlers or teens (very similar), grocery lists, children's shoe sizes, and how much toilet paper we have remaining in stock, so that we can easily forget the really important pieces of life that stand waiting for attention.
Namely, we forget to love. We overlook the need to actually take the time, thought and energy to show we care about people. Quite often, an honest account will find your husband sitting in last place on the list. He's, well ... there. He'll be there when the baby stops waking in the night, leaving you too exhausted to bother to remember to show him love, too. You remember him. The guy whose wedding band matches yours and who assisted in bringing that baby into the world in the first place. He'll be there after that mind-numbing toddler whining phase. You have used your last shred of patience and will show him you love him later. When you feel less harried, maybe. He'll be there after your kids start school and you will have more time for him ... when you're not volunteering at that school or taking on another task because the kids aren't home all day and you feel you can give time to others. To whom, exactly, do you feel the need to give ... who comes before the man you married? That man over there -- the one growing quiet faster and losing his temper easier than he used to ... he could really use some of that time. He needs you to practice some of that love on him. He could use a power shot of respect along with it, for by the time you have sacrificed him for all the other cries and phone calls and "please can you's" that multiply faster than gerbils, you will have left him at the back of the line. Again.
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
~~I Peter 4:8
The irony is, we don't forget that we want to receive love and we want it in full, no holds barred and in heart-melting, mind-blowing ways. Yet, giving it takes more than we feel like forking over after a full day, and you might even lump the weekends in there, too. First thing Saturday morning isn't looking good. Try me later in the day, if I'm not busy. Most of us allow ourselves to fill hours with projects and pastimes and forget to put many love actions into practice.
Definitely not the way to go.
Love -- and not the everyday, kind of action that you normally take, such as household chores, a pat on the back and absent-minded uh-huh's and yeah's as he talks, does take work; a concerted effort, no matter how unequal to the task we feel. I imagine if you ask several people, they'll admit it's sometimes a procrastination problem, but the time is NOW. It takes determination to start the gears and then you find you need to practice to keep them running smoothly.
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ~~Romans 12:9
One of the hallmarks of love is that the more you give it, the more it grows. Like a muscle, love requires regular use to stay in shape. Often, love can leave pain in its wake. Huh. Sounds just like exercise. Interesting. Hearts bump each other, bruise and sometimes bleed because of lack of practice in exercising them enough. The phrase, "He wears his heart on his sleeve," reminds me of out-of-practice love. If it's that out of shape, it may be sensitive and weak at first, it seems to me.
Think of physical conditioning. Consider that when you take a break from exercise, let's say for a week or two, how "in shape" do you feel? How interested do you feel in getting back on the treadmill or hopping on that bicycle seat? Does the elliptical machine call your name in a way you can't resist? Our exercise bike sort of mocks me, which makes me feel like ignoring it, and I do that with great success. I easily push it out of my mind and exercise my ability to overlook it and move on to something else instead. It takes thought, a lot of will power and sometimes a schedule and a gym membership to get many of us to exercise. Once we get into the habit, once we start noticing easier movement, stronger limbs, and some improvement in our ratio of fat to muscle, that exercise idea sounds better.
Practicing love works the same way. When you begin practicing acts of love toward your mate out of the love in your heart, you start finding them easier to do. You feel more confident in choosing how to show him your feelings as you take a more active role in doing. You start seeing a greater ratio between the "ho-hum" of life and the anticipation of spending time with and doing things for your husband. You get up and do, rather than just envisioning what it might be like to succeed. Envisioning a more toned body won't happen unless you put some energy into it. Love won't tone itself, either, you know.
You have to just do it. Set your mind to it, power up your will, and move along!
"Dear children, let us love not with words or speech but with actions and in truth."
~~I John 3:18
~~I John 3:18
What might you do to practice love? Really, it's up to you.
So, here goes. A list of possibilities for practicing love -- Husband Version:
- pray -- it should always come first. I sometimes forget, but when I ask for God's guidance I do better. The outcome feels richer and more meaningful.
- leave a note for him now and then, in a place he will not expect it, such as on his cell phone screen, telling him how much you appreciate him, or giving him a written "high-five" for something he does
- prepare his breakfast
- pack his lunch
- cook his favorite meal and tell him about it in advance so he can be home on time to enjoy it
- kiss him good-bye and hello at every opportunity
- if he wakes up earlier than you do in the mornings, wake up with him and spend that quiet time in the morning together
- rent a movie he has wanted to see
- tell him why you love him
- remember events from your shared history out loud -- the ones that make him look like a hero, a great dad, a terrific husband
- listen intently when he talks about his day or tells a story
- ask him about his day without telling him about yours
- look into his eyes as he talks to you
You may have far more amazing ideas that you do already that make these ideas pale in comparison. I, for one, feel jealous. Post some for me, please! I'm not the idea girl, but I know a good one when I see one. Or, maybe, just maybe this list seems too hard for you to handle. If you're finding rocky territory in practicing loving action at home, don't jump to the hardest thing on the list and hope for instant success. You will tune your heart -- and his -- by taking small steps. A friend of mine is that way, "baby stepping" and it suits her just fine. When you have settled into uncomfortable silences and emotional distance for the long haul, you want to build on the little things. Just keep at it, making itty-bitty movements for a while. Maybe a long while. You will know when to lengthen your strides. God is good that way, nudging us for more at the right time.
Suffering passes, while love is eternal. That's a gift that you have received from God.
Don't waste it.
~~Laura Ingalls Wilder
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