I anticipate the anticipation. Christmas Day, in itself, lets me down kind of hard. The planning has peaked and played out into piles of discarded boxes and corralled balls of crumpled gift wrap.
From the first toss of coins into a Salvation Army kettle to the last gift given, the Christmas Season fills with moments to reach out to others. The pinnacle of giving spreads throughout a 3-week period, and gives me a satisfaction that doesn't compare to any other time of year. I can't imagine what it would feel like to reverse the process -- to receive at every opportunity, instead.
Paul wrote in Acts 20:35:
"In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive."
It is. No contest.I'm sure that the meaning of the verse has to do with personal satisfaction in doing something for others, yet I believe, too, that it reflects on what God would have us do and that in the doing of those good things He blesses us with a satisfaction in our spirit and mind -- and that feeling, alone, can encourage us to continue giving.
Our children have hit the spot on which they feel more divided about the giving/receiving issue. They have wishes firmly planted, the visions of sugarplums dance in their heads, and they will squeal, giggle and jump for joy at the sight of gifts on Christmas morning. Yet, they have entered a phase of independence -- choosing and paying for gifts with their own money -- that gives them that sense of satisfaction from thinking of others wants and needs, and their focus has begun to shift
.
Marriage is no different in regard to the shifting of focus from my wants and needs to those of my husband. My mission, according to my wedding vows, is to focus on him. It's easy the first time out, and for quite some time after the wedding ring encircles the third finger, left hand. For most of us, though, it takes a bit more effort to maintain that stance. Many of us get to the place of feeling completed by the selfish desire to receive after years of real life hitting us and wanting contentment in our circumstances again without having to work at it. What better way than to feel endless acceptance and loving action from our husband?
Without some rain, the well runs dry.
So, the best lesson to learn is TO GIVE. When we give of ourselves from the depths of our hearts we don't stop to think of the pay-off. When we focus on our husband's needs and learn his wants, we have something to work for in meeting them to the best of our ability.
Every day of our lives we find opportunities to give. We cannot, however, give in -- to the demands of life that distract us from our marriage, to the whims of fancy that make us want more of what the world offers (comparing ourselves by way of social activities and social media) and thereby deflecting focus from our husbands in a way that substitutes those activities for concentrated time with him, and to the possibility that, hey ... maybe I deserve more in this relationship ... selfishness instead of selflessness.
What we deserve is to give to the one we have right beside us, the one to whom we vowed, promised and took to be our lawfully wedded husband -- forsaking all others, until death.
Those (vows) are fighting words. Use them wisely. Fight for your marriage whether it's wonderful or on the skids. Every ounce of energy you put toward it will come back to you in a variety of ways. You'll know it when you feel it. Give. And when you're done giving, give some more!
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