Hmmmm ... I see a big heart drawn in the calendar box for this Thursday, married people! Approximately 36 hours to go. Time to get moving! Don't waste another minute. Love is (or can be) in the air. When it comes to Valentine's Day, the cost, the food, the attire and the venue don't matter one bit. All any of us want is to love and feel loved every day of the year, not have a pulling out of all the stops just on one night. For some, that want feels less attainable than a trip to the moon. For others, loving action comes easily and has always been -- no doubt, no stumbling blocks.
For those dreading it, the thought of Valentine's Day feels like a stabbing pain, a dreadful possibility, a tad on the unsure side, or something you would like to erase from the calendar and send the trappings of it down a chute in every department store you see. Take the time to make some changes and catch hold of the spirit of this "card store holiday". Make Valentine's Day your own, personal, heart challenge.
Each marriage has to work every part - emotional, mental, physical and spiritual - to find what "one" really means, and the work never ends. It also doesn't happen in just one night, but anyone can start anywhere. Now is good. Let's do it.
No matter how you try to color it, Valentine's Day marks the calendar with a big red heart. Dinner, symbolic gifts, dressy clothing, boxes of chocolate, or maybe just a few hours without children in tow attracts some of us to celebrate. For you, maybe hope calls. Maybe it's the hope of a salvaged relationship, or of rejuvenated love. It might be hope for intimacy that has all but disappeared, or has filtered to the bottom of the chore list. Maybe you have hope that pain and struggle will end.
No matter your Valentine's Day plans or hopes, do something important every day this week. Pray. Ask forgiveness for wrongs you have done, for thoughts that have gone astray and have allowed you to see your husband in a derogatory light ... the bad guy, the killer of your dreams. Pray for a leash on your tongue if you need it. Pray for yourself very carefully -- that you will find the good in your husband and keep finding more. God will help you find it.
Pray that kindness will overcome all else and that you will feel sparks of interest where they haven't existed in some time. Pray that intimacy (on a small or grand level) will happen. You don't have to fix all your problems in one night, but you can close the gap with your physical presence, very hard for women who feel distant. But do it -- PREPARE YOUR HEART.
Pray for the desire for your husband that has been difficult or absent. And, pray for him. Pray that he will receive your actions and words for what you need them to mean. Pray that he make the effort this week to build your relationship in small ways and to anticipate spending Valentine's Day with you. Give thanks for the blessings you have in your marriage, home and family.
Finally, think of what drew you to your husband in the first place. Look for those things now. Don't let the irritations enter your mind, stop replaying angry or hurtful words and do your part to make a difference NOW. Speak and act in love. Banish thoughts and feelings of failure or apathy. Be the girl he fell in love with this week. Build him up, support and encourage, and smile while you do it. Get close. Hug him, reach for his hand.
I don't know what your marriage feels like. I can only go from my own experience, which has packed up a huge share of struggle, hurt and serious misunderstanding and missteps. Multitudes of women have suffered, and many have learned to make changes to put the brakes on and turn the bus around, and they have found not the marriage they lost, but a better one.
Put yourself out there. Whether you have the evening of your dreams or you pick up a pizza and share some Conversation Hearts, don't hold onto anything that doesn't deserve time in your heart and mind. Grudges, barriers, walls, resentment, need for control, martyrdom, and regret -- let them go. They serve only to destroy.
Your job? Build. Start with this:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13: 4-8
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