The medical definition of "tunnel vision" states,
"Tunnel vision: Loss of peripheral vision with retention of central vision, resulting in a constricted circular tunnel-like field of vision. And, by extension, any very narrow point of view."
(from www.medicinenet.com)
In yesterday's post, Tales of a Business Traveler's Wife: Single-Mom Syndrome, I outlined some of what a woman might do when faced with parenting alone because of a husband's work travel.
Today, tunnel vision dropped into my mind, thanks to a comment I received yesterday. Mainly, a tunnel-visioned woman cannot see the forest for the trees. Too much focus on the details, not enough focus on the big picture. She focuses straight ahead at what she must accomplish for her own peace of mind. Then, she hopes that the entire picture will improve due to enhancement from her attention in one area. I believe this is deception. Self-deception, but also cultural and from The Deceiver, himself.
Women and men have the ability to use tunnel vision, but in different areas. One short sentence will make a wife of any sports fan nod in agreement.
"The game is on."
Do not interrupt the game. It's all he wants to see right now, just wait until the end, please.
However, when a woman sets herself to the job of completing a task, nothing can deter her, even an actual person interrupting by voice or motion. She turns on the tunnel vision and engages in the activity at hand. This works especially well if she has children and has learned that not every whine or cry needs attention. She can differentiate between a child's needs and wants by sound. She keeps at those dishes, finishes typing the document, folds the last shirt, and her work finds completion. She tunes in again, checks the chore off the list and moves along. Accessibility returns.
Sometimes, the whining and crying (so to speak) comes from her husband. When his needs/wants begin to come around again and again like the proverbial squeaky wheel, a woman may tune them out rather than grease the wheel with care. Worse still, a woman sometimes assesses the squeak, deciding on the "real" issue as she sees it, and decides whether her husband really needs that kind of attention, or has he just chosen to harp on that today? How long can she hold him off this time? Must ... get ... this ... job ... done. She gives him the same assessment she gives a tantrum-throwing two-year old. It can wait, or she pushes through it and it will go away.
This female behavior exhibits two things: disrespect and control. Danger zones, both.
As a woman, I admit I don't automatically stand back and assess myself, thoughtfully listing the areas in which I could use some work. The Holy Spirit can nudge me, but I have channeled my thoughts to getting a task completed that I can guiltily tune out the small voice. I miss the warning signs about imminent danger -- the kind that throws discussions with my husband off the track and over the cliff into argument. I exhibit disrespect and control, and we run right up to it in a discussion and I don't think, "Hey! There it is! How do I get around this awful thing and move onto the better track?" No, no. Instead, I plow right on through, crashing the road block and ending up over the cliff again.
Tunnel vision, medically, brings danger to the person who has it. Peripheral vision goes black, and only forward vision works. Over-the-road truckers have to guard against this, looking side-to-side and up or down often, keeping the eyes moving, not focusing straight-on constantly. The focus lies in avoiding harmful situations and preventing accidents.
Exercising the eyes while driving ensures we'll see signs, warnings, road blocks and detours around a danger zone. Marriage and family danger zones offer similar warnings. Unless we practice looking, listening and understanding, we will miss them, or learn to ignore them in favor of our own preferences. Catapulting over cliffs again and again will teach us a lesson, but that manner of learning can also bring damage that costs considerably to repair and may leave terrible scars. When possible, choose to learn at the appearance of the first sign, whether it comes in words, actions or attitudes. Don't wait until the signs grow larger and more frequent, or until the danger looms ahead without a way to avoid it. Find the right road to loving actions that bring peace, rather than barreling through into chaos.
The signs, warnings roadblocks and detours serve to warn. They apply to me. My husband's slumping posture, grimacing expression, exasperated voice and choice of words serve as warnings. They alert me to something ahead that I can address, a problem I can help solve, a danger I can avoid. My job? PAY ATTENTION!
I can offer some good news on this tunnel vision. Not only can a person change it (thank you, God ... I couldn't have done it without You), the vision gained after recovering from it grows more acute. The precision of sight after failing to see for even a short time can make a person shout for joy at the clarity of recovered sight. I promise that seeing all the colors, shapes, shadows and play of light will delight you, and make your marriage glow with a radiance you never saw before. When you can see only what you focus on, you can't expect a beautiful mural. You get a locket photo instead, small and contained without room to grow.
I know I've shouted out to the Lord on more than a few occasions. When you've learned how to stop crashing the roadblocks and instead, find the detours and pleasant side routes that open before you, a person can't help but feel tremendous relief. Marriage grows this way. It takes different routes. You can't expand the horizons of your relationship if you continue taking the same roads every time, and wonder why you always end up in the same place.
Always be sure to thank the Bringer of Relief. The Author of Grace. The Creator of All.
He totally cares.
No comments:
Post a Comment