In 1620, the Pilgrims arrived in Plymouth, Massachusetts, their chosen location for a new way of life and freedom to worship God as they chose. They had a destination in mind, and they put all their effort and thought toward that one pinpoint on the map. When they sailed in sight of land, the collective "Hurrah!" from the travel-weary passengers must have rung throughout the heavens. Pilgrims. Destination known.
In 73 B.C., Spartacus led an uprising of slaves against the Roman Empire and fled as a fugitive from the Romans for two years. Not wanting to suffer at the hands of the Romans, known for harsh prison conditions, torture and getting their prey as close to death as possible without going over the line, Spartacus took the role of fugitive. Never safe for long. No end to running in any direction that appeared safe.
Fugitives. Destination unknown.
Fugitives. Destination unknown.
In your marriage, which role do you play? Do you have a destination in mind that will make marriage more satisfying and allow for you and your spouse to grow together and build intimacy? Do you act as a fugitive and run at the slightest sign of discomfort or danger to yourself?
Stay and Work or Run and Hide?
Anyone out there not wanting to take the pilgrim route? Planning, instructions, learning, praying, and a definite direction take the important roles in moving toward a solid, healthy marriage. When you follow the plan you find yourself putting forth a lot of energy and time, but when you do, you find yourself reaping rewards at various intervals, and you can feel and see yourself and your husband moving closer to the goal. You not only get a glimpse of a healthy and happy relationship, you begin to feel it, to know that it will last, and to feel fulfilled in your marriage.
Yet, how many times do we run and/or hide? Maybe you run at the merest suggestion of conflict. Perhaps you hide from the truth about yourself or about what your marriage really looks like on the inside. You may run to what looks like a safe haven when you aren't on good footing in your marriage, and find yourself in deeper trouble and then set out to run from that. The fugitive style of handling marriage promises lots of work for very little return. You may run for months or years and find yourself farther away from comfort and love. You can work very hard on your own spur-of-the-moment plans only to find yourself caught by another wave of distrust from a husband who not only can't read your mind, he doesn't understand that women and men are so different.
The Pilgrim Perspective
I say we do the pilgrim thing. Take the plan (the Bible -- specifically Ephesians 5:21-33) and work toward each known aspect, keeping our focus on respecting our husbands and showing loving kindness in many small ways every day. The greatest news lies in the fact that our biblical instructions come in a very short list! Submit (honor, defer to, work closely with) to my husband and respect him.
These two requirements cover everything, and if followed closely and with great care, they will lead you right where you want to go. When you have had plenty of practice with respect and submission, you will find you have learned more ways to expand your horizons in marriage in godly ways. You will learn to thrive as you head toward your destination. You will no longer wonder, but wait for more and better. You will, by following His plan and praying through your days, grow closer to God.
You will fail many times. You will retrace steps or go off the path to check out someone else's travel route. But, when you resolve to take that pilgrimage to a biblically sound marriage, you will never want for more.
The Fugitive's Route
The fugitive route will get you pretty far -- far from anything solid and safe. You will beg for scraps from your mate, work furiously on your own agenda and promote your own motives with your actions and reactions. You will look to people around you for guidance (human frailty) and short-lived successes that will fail in short-term and frustrate you in the long-term. You will continue looking for more and better answers and keep running hither and yon ... searching. You will seek and never find. You will grow tired, you will compare yourself to others, you will feel like quitting. Your hope for better will dim. You will turn to friends before turning to your husband. You may find relief in other relationships. Your marriage will continue to thin as supply outweighs demand. You will be a prisoner of your own inability to find peace and solid ground that you can claim as your own in your marriage.
It's Not Ancient History
Marriage is a timeless means of connecting a man and woman in a relationship that can and should last a lifetime. No matter how many years they have together, a husband and wife will find joy and oneness together when they follow a time-tried route.
Everyone's marriage will differ in scope and sequence, but the basics will show. Love. Respect. Mutual submission. A help-meet woman alongside her leader husband. When you meet a couple who lives out their marriage this way, you know it. They have contentment. They have trust and honor in their lives. They don't waver, they don't search outwardly. They don't envy nor do they boast.
From Adam and Eve to you and your husband, any marriage that has followed The Plan and has looked to the Author of it for guidance has found it. Those who follow The Plan want to share it with others. It works. When taken seriously and lived fully, it never fails.
Get into Ephesians and see how simple the directions appear. Pray on them. Resolve to imitate them, to live them, and to not look back at what the world has to offer. The Bible will never change, while the world will change often and to the detriment of those who follow it.
What have you discovered when you have looked to the world for advice?
If you have "gone Bible" in your marriage, what was the easiest part? The hardest?
How do you present a biblical marriage to someone who wants better?
Stay and Work or Run and Hide?
Anyone out there not wanting to take the pilgrim route? Planning, instructions, learning, praying, and a definite direction take the important roles in moving toward a solid, healthy marriage. When you follow the plan you find yourself putting forth a lot of energy and time, but when you do, you find yourself reaping rewards at various intervals, and you can feel and see yourself and your husband moving closer to the goal. You not only get a glimpse of a healthy and happy relationship, you begin to feel it, to know that it will last, and to feel fulfilled in your marriage.
Yet, how many times do we run and/or hide? Maybe you run at the merest suggestion of conflict. Perhaps you hide from the truth about yourself or about what your marriage really looks like on the inside. You may run to what looks like a safe haven when you aren't on good footing in your marriage, and find yourself in deeper trouble and then set out to run from that. The fugitive style of handling marriage promises lots of work for very little return. You may run for months or years and find yourself farther away from comfort and love. You can work very hard on your own spur-of-the-moment plans only to find yourself caught by another wave of distrust from a husband who not only can't read your mind, he doesn't understand that women and men are so different.
The Pilgrim Perspective
I say we do the pilgrim thing. Take the plan (the Bible -- specifically Ephesians 5:21-33) and work toward each known aspect, keeping our focus on respecting our husbands and showing loving kindness in many small ways every day. The greatest news lies in the fact that our biblical instructions come in a very short list! Submit (honor, defer to, work closely with) to my husband and respect him.
These two requirements cover everything, and if followed closely and with great care, they will lead you right where you want to go. When you have had plenty of practice with respect and submission, you will find you have learned more ways to expand your horizons in marriage in godly ways. You will learn to thrive as you head toward your destination. You will no longer wonder, but wait for more and better. You will, by following His plan and praying through your days, grow closer to God.
You will fail many times. You will retrace steps or go off the path to check out someone else's travel route. But, when you resolve to take that pilgrimage to a biblically sound marriage, you will never want for more.
The Fugitive's Route
The fugitive route will get you pretty far -- far from anything solid and safe. You will beg for scraps from your mate, work furiously on your own agenda and promote your own motives with your actions and reactions. You will look to people around you for guidance (human frailty) and short-lived successes that will fail in short-term and frustrate you in the long-term. You will continue looking for more and better answers and keep running hither and yon ... searching. You will seek and never find. You will grow tired, you will compare yourself to others, you will feel like quitting. Your hope for better will dim. You will turn to friends before turning to your husband. You may find relief in other relationships. Your marriage will continue to thin as supply outweighs demand. You will be a prisoner of your own inability to find peace and solid ground that you can claim as your own in your marriage.
It's Not Ancient History
Marriage is a timeless means of connecting a man and woman in a relationship that can and should last a lifetime. No matter how many years they have together, a husband and wife will find joy and oneness together when they follow a time-tried route.
Everyone's marriage will differ in scope and sequence, but the basics will show. Love. Respect. Mutual submission. A help-meet woman alongside her leader husband. When you meet a couple who lives out their marriage this way, you know it. They have contentment. They have trust and honor in their lives. They don't waver, they don't search outwardly. They don't envy nor do they boast.
From Adam and Eve to you and your husband, any marriage that has followed The Plan and has looked to the Author of it for guidance has found it. Those who follow The Plan want to share it with others. It works. When taken seriously and lived fully, it never fails.
Get into Ephesians and see how simple the directions appear. Pray on them. Resolve to imitate them, to live them, and to not look back at what the world has to offer. The Bible will never change, while the world will change often and to the detriment of those who follow it.
What have you discovered when you have looked to the world for advice?
If you have "gone Bible" in your marriage, what was the easiest part? The hardest?
How do you present a biblical marriage to someone who wants better?
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