Working Marriage Overtime

Whew!  It's the end of the day.  You have worked, cooked, cleaned, monitored homework, refereed arguments, greeted your husband, talked about your day, solved problems, paid bills, loaded the dishwasher and now the day draws to a close.  You have hit your comfortable spot on the couch and don't want to move.  A cup of tea, your favorite television show or book.  Ahhh.  Relaxation, at last.

Then someone wants-needs-asks something more from you.  Ugh!  Really?

As a wife, as a mother, as a member of a family, you usually find a way to move from that comfy spot to assist as requested.  I would like to say I do so without grumbling, but at the end of one of those "I don't remember ever sitting down today" days, I have let out a little (a loud) complaint or shown some (a lot of) annoyance at the interruption.

Wife, mom, woman ... human.  Weakness happens.  We can't do everything, but usually, we can do more than we think, and definitely more than we want.  We should set aside self and serve those we love, whether that love be by vow and commitment or by birth, not to mention by the sharing of  human characteristics.

That means we put everyone else first, not just those who share our home, our family ties or our friendship. 

For now, we'll focus on the one to whom we have committed our love:  our husbands.


Give a Little Bit

Paul writes in Philippians 2:3-12

“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men."

Counting my husband as more significant than myself equates to selflessness as his mate in life.  Still working on it, I admit, but the trying counts!  Selflessness starts by giving little bits past what we feel like doing, and finding we can give a whole lot more.  Then, giving it. 

In marriage, selflessness means overlooking my desire to sit back and read all evening.  It means checking on the kids tucked in their beds when he asks.  It means staying awake, no matter how tired I am, while he finishes his bedtime routine so we can cuddle and talk before falling asleep. It means standing beside him as he works on home projects, ready to go-fer tools or  to assist as needed.  It means taking care of our home as close to his standards as possible ("House Beautiful" for him, "Country Living" for me) to ensure his comfort. It means knowing when to leave a party based on a twitch of his eyebrows because I see he has tired of social time and longs for home.  It means watching and listening for his return to our living space every evening to start it all over again.  Selflessness means anticipating, preferring, choosing, honoring, revering and focusing my efforts on him.  When I do, we both benefit.

In my case, selflessness also means enduring repetition -- his mainstay and my nemesis.  I do not do repetition well, I do not follow daily or weekly schedules, I fly by the seat of my pants most of the time.  Predictability in life gives my husband comfort, probably because so much of his day lies out of his control.  His comfort means my comfort.  And therein lies any reward I could want.

 Selflessness sits at the pinnacle of the Married Behavior "To Do" list.  If we live it, we will like it.  Taking on a selfless outlook does not mean I will lie across the threshold with "Welcome" printed across me, nor does it indicate giving myself to slavery or misuse in any way.  It means thinking of my husband's well being, his preferences, his desires and his overall needs, as well as the details of his life and being --- and focusing my attention on caring for him in and among those parameters.  It's care-taking of the utmost calling in marriage, and when done well and with an attitude of respect and love, it feels good, right and complimentary to me.  When done with even a hint of resentment, it feels hollow, incomplete and like a chore.


Working Overtime

Marriage takes work, a phrase that repeats often,and for good reason.  'Cause it's TRUE.  It sometimes takes every effort to maintain marriage.  It can require incredible amounts of energy to bring it back from the edge of calamity.  Marriage can demand extreme patience to reframe it with grace, mercy and the care required to pick out the weeds and nurture it as it struggles to grow against the pressures and distractions of the world. It commands every ounce of self-control we have to manage personalities and preferences and not lose sight of the goal.

And when I submits to what marriage requires of wives, I find much ... more ... ease.  Willingly working selflessly for my husband fulfills me, satisfies him, and we find joy, peace, mutual respect, and desire to keep doing more toward receiving the supremely gratifying outcomes of this most important work as a couple.

If I'm going to work overtime, I want it to be at marriage.  The payment I receive for my effort comes through increased intimacy (emotional, physical, mental and spiritual) with my husband, a closer walk with God, a more positive outlook on this life, and a framework for helping others along their own marriage pathways. 

Anyone see a negative anywhere?  If so, point it out, will you? 

What do you think about working for your marriage?  How does selflessness work for you?  Have you tried it?  What's your story?