Before we married, my husband and I shared "I love you" back and forth the way we express "thank you," now. Often, and for just about everything. One day, as we shared some quiet time, doing nothing but feeling the rapture of togetherness, I broke the silence with,
"I like you."
The man I would soon marry turned abruptly toward me and insisted, "Yeah, well, I love you."
I smiled into laughter, which caught him even more off guard. He thought he had one-upped me! That laughter led to one of the most interesting discussions we have ever had. We talked about the difference between "like" and "love" in our relationship. In a marriage relationship. And I wanted to impress upon him -- and upon you -- the difference.
The Bible commands us to love one another. this is the brotherly love we share as humans. Friendship quality love. Phileo, in the Greek. We are to love everyone, and show that love in treating others well. Obviously, the kind of love we reserve for our spouses differs and it should differ greatly, in Greek it reads "eros", or romantic love, being a much more intimate brand of love, tended with great care. Marriage is our ultimate relationship, next to God. It requires more of us than any other relationship, for the lifetime of the couple.
Big.
Then, there's "like."
My like list is long and diverse. Music - almost all genres. Cake. Kayaking. Knitting. Travel. Sunrises. Snow. Hardwood floors. Baking. Rolling farmland. Cutting grass. And so forth and so on, all the way to "my husband." He's a good egg.
God did not say we have to like everyone. How can we like what everyone else does, how they act, what they believe, where they spend their time or how they respond to us? Sometimes we have run-ins with people during which, no matter how hard we try and no matter how well our godly armor fits -- we falter and we fail. God puts us on the same path as others sometimes, I think, because we need a lesson or two in getting along. Smooth waters don't teach a person to sail, it's the roughness and storms that bring skill. So it goes with people.
And so, "I like you," comes as a high compliment. It goes to a different depth than love, as well as to a different place. When I experience "like" I know it. Only my husband has the level of "like" that labels him in my life. When I bestowed a well-placed like on the man all those years ago, I, in effect, branded him as top of the heap in my box of earthly treasures.
He hits the spot in my mind, heart and soul. His idiosyncrasies intrigue me. His sense of humor still surprises me in its scope and timing. His Energizer Bunny ability to just keep going causes me to marvel. He zigs to my zag, and weaves his way through the playground of moods I swing without seeming to mind. He asks questions about faith, about women, about raising children, about cooking, and about me. He reaches for me in the night. He doesn't mind if I don't have supper ready. He can run electrical and plumbing lines whenever or wherever we need them. He can do math -- the hard stuff. He can't spell. He knows I hate to be tickled, but loves how I react to it. He asks me to do Google searches for him because I'm better at it. He insists he hates cats but worries about the two we have as pets. He has a gentle touch. He doesn't like cream cheese but loves carrot cake (with cream cheese icing).
I like my husband. His list of attributes mean something important to me, complement my own, and make him "the one" for me.
Love runs separately. It does not depend on likeability. I could love my husband without his sense of humor. I could love him even if he minded when my moods run high. I could love him without his handyman abilities.
I love him by what I do for him. That's how anyone loves her husband, by serving, by considering his preferences and his needs, and setting herself the goal of meeting them. Love does. Love acts. Love puts itself out there for the good of the other, whereas "like" is relative. Subjective.
Get it? Liking a husband requires a category all to itself. The like I have for the man I married lies in him ... what he shows me on the surface and deeper than that. Yet, take away any of those things and love still exists.
Like your husband. Doing so expands your horizon in how you love him. Liking him lets you love him better because it gives you more definitive categories with which to work.
What nifty things do you like about your husband? How do his "like" points help you serve him better? Love him well?
 |
| He bought me this book for Christmas. It has all sorts of interesting "like" reasons in it ... and they hit the spot! |
The man I would soon marry turned abruptly toward me and insisted, "Yeah, well, I love you."
I smiled into laughter, which caught him even more off guard. He thought he had one-upped me! That laughter led to one of the most interesting discussions we have ever had. We talked about the difference between "like" and "love" in our relationship. In a marriage relationship. And I wanted to impress upon him -- and upon you -- the difference.
The Bible commands us to love one another. this is the brotherly love we share as humans. Friendship quality love. Phileo, in the Greek. We are to love everyone, and show that love in treating others well. Obviously, the kind of love we reserve for our spouses differs and it should differ greatly, in Greek it reads "eros", or romantic love, being a much more intimate brand of love, tended with great care. Marriage is our ultimate relationship, next to God. It requires more of us than any other relationship, for the lifetime of the couple.
Big.
Then, there's "like."
My like list is long and diverse. Music - almost all genres. Cake. Kayaking. Knitting. Travel. Sunrises. Snow. Hardwood floors. Baking. Rolling farmland. Cutting grass. And so forth and so on, all the way to "my husband." He's a good egg.
God did not say we have to like everyone. How can we like what everyone else does, how they act, what they believe, where they spend their time or how they respond to us? Sometimes we have run-ins with people during which, no matter how hard we try and no matter how well our godly armor fits -- we falter and we fail. God puts us on the same path as others sometimes, I think, because we need a lesson or two in getting along. Smooth waters don't teach a person to sail, it's the roughness and storms that bring skill. So it goes with people.
And so, "I like you," comes as a high compliment. It goes to a different depth than love, as well as to a different place. When I experience "like" I know it. Only my husband has the level of "like" that labels him in my life. When I bestowed a well-placed like on the man all those years ago, I, in effect, branded him as top of the heap in my box of earthly treasures.
He hits the spot in my mind, heart and soul. His idiosyncrasies intrigue me. His sense of humor still surprises me in its scope and timing. His Energizer Bunny ability to just keep going causes me to marvel. He zigs to my zag, and weaves his way through the playground of moods I swing without seeming to mind. He asks questions about faith, about women, about raising children, about cooking, and about me. He reaches for me in the night. He doesn't mind if I don't have supper ready. He can run electrical and plumbing lines whenever or wherever we need them. He can do math -- the hard stuff. He can't spell. He knows I hate to be tickled, but loves how I react to it. He asks me to do Google searches for him because I'm better at it. He insists he hates cats but worries about the two we have as pets. He has a gentle touch. He doesn't like cream cheese but loves carrot cake (with cream cheese icing).
I like my husband. His list of attributes mean something important to me, complement my own, and make him "the one" for me.
Love runs separately. It does not depend on likeability. I could love my husband without his sense of humor. I could love him even if he minded when my moods run high. I could love him without his handyman abilities.
I love him by what I do for him. That's how anyone loves her husband, by serving, by considering his preferences and his needs, and setting herself the goal of meeting them. Love does. Love acts. Love puts itself out there for the good of the other, whereas "like" is relative. Subjective.
Get it? Liking a husband requires a category all to itself. The like I have for the man I married lies in him ... what he shows me on the surface and deeper than that. Yet, take away any of those things and love still exists.
Like your husband. Doing so expands your horizon in how you love him. Liking him lets you love him better because it gives you more definitive categories with which to work.
What nifty things do you like about your husband? How do his "like" points help you serve him better? Love him well?
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