Consumer Review on Marriage: Before and After Expectations

So, you have marriage in mind.  You want to go forward with the purchase of the product, and you want to do it with some "how to" from tried and true sources.  You want reliable information on how marriage works and what you might expect, performance-wise.  You want to know, from those with some experience, what the future holds as far as form and function, and what kind of upkeep you'll really need, not just the "it's great!" reaction from too many people who don't make you feel comfortable with a two-word reaction to a lifetime deal.

Or, you've already bought the package and have questions about the contents of the box.  Maybe yours has pieces missing or has too many of them and you can't seem to get it together.  You want to know how to realign some of the working parts to fit better, rather than hear that nagging whining sound that happens every time you do or say this or that.  You want to know how to get it to run smoothly every day and how to avoid major damage you've heard happening in other folks' experience with it.  What options do you have since the product isn't returnable?  You have followed the instructions word for word and still come up against a sputtering motor or some really disagreeable malfunctions.  Is it operator error or a glitch in the product itself? 



First of All, What Do You Expect?

Prior to marriage, what did you think it included?  What drew you to it as something you wanted for yourself? What do you think comes with the package?

No matter where you lie on the Marriage Time Line, you have expectations.  You hope for success, positive feelings, and happiness ... ever after the ceremony.  If you haven't made the purchase yet, you have the "it'll never happen to us" view on the falters, fumbles and failure rates you have seen or hear about all around you.  If you have already made your purchase, you may have found some unexpected discoveries that you didn't plan to have and would never have hoped to experience. 

Whether engaged couples, newlyweds or "old marrieds", people have unwritten lists in their heads that they believe make an unwritten code of marriage.  Everyone could and should have these things:

love - unconditional and constant and fulfilled physically, emotionally and mentally
trust - complete
companionship - togetherness times infinity.  Hang with me.  Always.
friendship - unending like-ability
communication - riveting topics, total focus
security - neither person will feel exposed or vulnerable to attack 
freedom - pursuing personal goals and dreams with all of the above still intact
fulfillment as a person - getting fully charged from the marriage relationship
agreement - likemindedness will remain as it was during courtship and engagement

These ideals come standard in pre-marriage thinking.  Everyone appears to have it in the mind's eye view of marriage.  Of course, these items come standard ... and effortless.  They are historical facts in many minds (like mine) prior to marriage and what already-married people wonder about in terms of what they have missed in their own assembly kits.

Most of us expect most of the same things, with variations according to societal, religious, family and ethnic/national beliefs.  My marriage ideals won't match everyone else's on the planet, but these core beliefs about what comes with it should show somewhere on the label. 


Guidelines Exist.  Marriage Can Meet Your Expectations -- More Than Less!

Some indicators of possibility, some guidelines for success, some arrows pointing to what a couple, man or wife should do exist.  


God, Himself - the author of love, the one who ordained marriage - how He fits into the life you build and how he guides or redirects your particular marriage path makes a profound mark on marriage.  Prayer exists to maintain contact with God and to find some of the direction you need on your way to, as well as after the marriage purchase.

God's Word - the written guide for life, breathed by God to men who penned each and every verse for our benefit in all areas of our lives.  The answers are there -- Genesis, Deuteronomy, Proverbs, Matthew, Mark, I Corinthians, Colossians, Ephesians, Hebrews -- all shine light on God's view of what marriage should be for us.  

The Vows/Promises - made during a marriage ceremony, these support the marriage covenant in a God-honoring way, if they're the "old-fashioned kind."  Self-written vows can honor God's purpose in marriage, too, if the authors have God and holy matrimony in mind.  Worldly vows will not pack the same kind of energy into the relationship ... tread carefully here.  A vow is your word.  It hold weight, and it should never be taken lightly.  

Healthy, Happy, Existing Marriages - already-married, godly people can provide a wealth of information for those in shopping mode as well as those in their first years of ownership and beyond.  Couples who have failed and repaired or rebuilt their marriage models after a total wreck can guide new owners in good directions, helping them with confusing aspects of assembly and usage that common sense may not address.  Couples who give worldly, television personality or self-help book advice are not following God's plan exclusively and do not make good choices as role models for marriage.



Self-Guided Methods (aka NOT Reading the Instructions) Cause End-User Confusion

Some selfishness and short-sighted understanding play into our views of marriage -- though some very faithful, God-inspired and God-guided people look into ownership and operation of the same.  If more of this kind of person came into marriage with hearts and minds already in gear to handle the newness of the product and to guide it along throughout the unexpected events of life, more marriages would remain intact ... even when they struggle.

Everyone will struggle.  Some, just in getting the box open.  Most feel elated with the original assembly, they simply don't realize the upkeep and attention to detail involved every day afterward.

We expect what we expect.  Then, we meet "real."