Giving to Your Family as You Give to Others

A few days ago, our area experienced a severe storm that moved through in bursts and then in one long rampage, during which dozens of trees either broke or uprooted, leaving many paths of destruction.  No one lost his life, for which we feel thankful.  Since then, wood chippers roar at all times of day, homeowners traverse their lawns dragging branches to refuse piles, and electrical trucks roam the streets, finding fallen wires and restoring service to our community.

As we recover from the storm aftermath, our daughter has felt a desire to hail the call from our pastor, helping at our church to pick up fallen branches and haul logs from a fallen tree.  She marked the calendar with the time so we won't forget.  Impressive, isn't it -- her desire to meet a need and give of herself for others.

Need I remind her that we have branches and bits of tree strewn through our yard, too, and probably a lot less toil than the job at the church requires?  We, her proud parents, have need of some clean-up help, too.  As such, we make a cheerful request for assistance ... and she gives us a practiced eye roll and a toss of the head that says something similar to, "I don't think your request meets my current state of willingness to help."  

In short, no.

Her affinity for reaching out beyond the walls of our home really doesn't differ from the rest of us -- our collective society.   Many adults fall into the same Helpful Trap.  We quickly will sign on a list or raise our hands to signify interest in someone else's project.  Need something?  I'm on it.  Just tell me what to do.

We appear eager, even.  I laugh to myself, just thinking about our quick response to an outside need.  At home, we might answer with, not now, just a minute, maybe later, can't you find someone else, or not in this lifetime.  Eagerness flies out the window and we replace it with irritation at someone asking for our time, or with lack of interest in the project's scope.  We are picky and uncooperative, when we aren't looking to shine like a star in someone else's eyes ... someone outside our immediate family.

Flip this to marriage or family, and feel the difference in the reaction.  True, it doesn't happen every time, but it happens enough to work harder in the opposite manner.  For instance, I feel myself pick and choose what I feel interested in doing to help with a chore or activity.  I see the same pause in my family when someone suggests a helping activity, and sometimes the same stutter-step at the suggestion of something fun.  It wasn't my idea, I'm busy, look elsewhere -- that's the message we send.

We judge the need, rather than act on the request from a loved one.  Sure, my son can clean out his closet all by his lonesome, and our daughter can conquer her war zone of a room without assistance, but they do better with adult presence, and they learn new skills from us to take out of the house to those projects beyond our walls.  That's parenting.

It's also marriage.  Increase the terms to husbands and wives asking for assistance -- or even silently taking on a project that could use another pair of hands or maybe just a go-fer (my job!) -- and see the need to pitch in without assessing need or your ability to handle the whole job.  The pieces we each can do we should do.  We can learn, just as our children can, how to handle more as we pair up with each other and gather expertise in other areas.  

Remember, God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called -- and in our giving of ourselves to our husbands and families, we live out those words for positive purpose and to the glory of the Father.  When we give of ourselves, he blesses our efforts.  When we stretch ourselves to do more, he blesses more.  Who wants to miss out on that?

As my husband and I have stretched ourselves, we have learned, and we have felt the blessing that comes from giving.  Giving of ourselves creates feelings of satisfaction, and it gives us purpose beyond what we think we have.  Giving of ourselves teaches us patience, a bit of long-suffering, and perseverance.  Giving of ourselves has taught us skills that we can take to others who may need them:

In helping with something I didn't really want to do, I learned how to wire a light switch and an outlet.

In helping with something he really didn't want to do, my husband now has the skills to chop vegetables like a food processor, and onions don't make him cry.

Useful skills, both.  We have new avenues of helpful giving to each other, and we can employ those skills when the needs arise outside our home.  We can continue to develop new skills to offer anyone who asks, whether it be a neighbor or friend, or out on a foreign mission field someday -- simply by helping each other.

Still, someone else's choice -- within our four walls -- is not always my cup of tea.  It feels easier to choose "no thanks" over "I'm ready."  Yet, when a similar request comes in from the outside, I don't hesitate.  This is where God's strength and mercy comes in, to buoy us for others when we would rather sink into ourselves.  

We need to give our best to everyone and prepare ourselves mentally to do so at any time.  The Bible has offered us clear instruction for our behavior toward others.  Luke 6:31 states, 

Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

This means everywhere, and with everyone.  We don't get to pick and choose who, what, when or where, but we should act with kindness and giving to everyone, for any reason, at all times and everywhere.  We're talking time, talent, prayer, thought, acts of service and even money.  All of these reach out to others in significant ways. 

 In Colossians 3, Paul outlines our family direction very simply:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.

Three short lines that take care of it for wife, husband and kids, though "Do unto others" covers everything with a more general teaching.  Submission, lack of bitterness and obedience fit where they do for human reasons.  Paul got the word from God and gave it to us for our own good, and for the good of those we should serve with equal willingness:  wives, husbands and children.  

This weekend, we will get outside to pick up the pieces left after the big storm.  Some grumbling will probably result, and sibling rivalry will more than likely show itself by way of competition and comparison, but we will encourage our children to commit themselves to the task, not because they have a heart-felt desire to help us in their childish and child-like states of mind, but because they have a duty to God, and to our family, to help.  

We will always encourage them to join with others when needs arise, like the clean-up at the church, reaching out to meet those needs to the best of their ability.  We know, as well as God knows, that our children -- and we, the more self-controlled adults -- have what it takes to take on a task for someone else and make a difference in the lives of others, family included.  

Willing hands and a willing heart.  That's all we really need.