Replacements Unlimited

You were married for keeps, weren't you?  I'm quite sure I didn't see a clause anywhere reading,
"... unless he fails to perform up to my standards and vice versa." There's also that saying, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks."  I beg to differ on that one.  Every dog enjoys a reward!

Think about it in terms of how we live our married lives.  Why did we marry in the first place?  Because marriage is a reward in itself, isn't it?  It feels like the culmination of waiting, hoping and praying for "Mr. Right" in our lives.  It feels like the fulfillment of dreams.  It feels perfect.

That's where our first warning should come.  Dreams and perfection?  What a way to build a lifelong commitment.  We can err by praying to a god of our own manufacture, without realizing we have done it.  We don't set out to create an idol, but when we come into marriageable age and start thinking "until death us do part," some of us girls start conjuring images of "husband" in our heads and trying to meet that perfection in the form of an unsuspecting male example, hoping he'll feel we fit his image of "Miss Right."

It's the humanness of our marriages that cause the trouble.  Mr. Right has no more hope of living up to our expectations than we have of meeting his.  We construct a god in lieu of God, Himself.  We forget to pray, listen and act in God's will because we edit and revise that to fit our "right now" wants.  Not only do we want the reward of marriage, we want immediate gratification in it.  That may cause us a kind of buyer's remorse.  Why did I do this?  Did I make a mistake?

Even with our human sense of time leading the way, God uses it, and He doesn't make mistakes.  We make plenty of them, and once we leave the church with a Certificate of Marriage in our clutches, we just live happily ever after, and merrily go along ... our silly, mistake-making idol-worshippers.

Ahhhhh ... reality!

As our hope of perfection begins to crack and crumble, it helps to know that replacements are available.  Everything in marriage, except for the man and woman at the core of it, have replacement parts.  God has a plan, remember?  He knows what we need, and he provided it within the pages of the Bible ... we just have to look, read, study and implement.  We have a choice, we have free will.  We are not His puppets, though we are his creation.  He knows us, and he came prepared.

First, we need to understand that marriage has two forms: God's Model and the Human Model.

We can begin from the start with God's Model (perfect in theory and in practice ... when we remember to practice), or we can eke out an "in name only" married life full of chaos and strife that will never, no matter how many self-help books or counseling sessions we try, achieve anything close to perfection.  The latter is the Human Model (imperfect in theory and in practice ... two for two!).

Thank God for replacements.  In marriage, we have a lifetime guarantee, and in this case, lifetime means for the long haul ... really and for truly until death do you part.  Nothing else in this life can match it.

To make good on that guarantee, it means doing things God's way.

God's Model for marriage will:

- replace selfishness  with  selflessness, generosity and a servant's heart
- replace lies and deception  with   truth
- replace worry for the future  with  enduring hope through Christ
- replace disrespect and bad attitudes   with  respectfulness and a positive outlook
- replace assumption and regret   with  communication and positive action
- replace controlling behavior  with  submissiveness that honors and edifies (builds up)
- replace doubt and longing  with  trust and peace
- replace opinion  with  fact
- replace demands and expectations  with  a giving spirit grounded in outreach
- replaces domination  with  cooperation
- replaces fear  with  hope, God's promises, and the peace that transcends all understanding (faith)
- replaces jealousy  with  honor and reverence
- replaces anger  with  understanding and joy
- replaces quitting  with  persevering
- replaces negative  with  positive

The following verses give reference to just a few of the items available in the Bible for marriage replacement parts.  Ephesians and Corinthians have many notes to read on marriage.  Genesis provides the first example of marriage.  Try Proverbs, and of course, Song of Solomon (Songs).  When you seek God's Word for help, you will find it -- commit your work to the Lord and he will establish your plans (Proverbs 16:3).

If it is selfish, self-seeking or self-righteous, you won't find help with it in the Word.

  Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. ³Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

Ephesians 4:2-3

  Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent (acting with or showing care and thought for the future) wife is from the LORD.  (emphasis and definition added)

Proverbs 19:14

  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Pray and plan, plan and pray, and choose God's Model for your marriage, no matter how "old dog" you think you are.  You can't beat the replacement part guarantee.