This capable woman knows God, believes in the power of prayer, and does her best to share Christ with those she knows need the introduction. Her life seems nicely squared away. She has purpose, her disposition allows her to enjoy her family and interact easily with anyone, as well as attract others to the reason for her joy: the Holy Spirit in her heart.
Yet she wanders in a dry place in her marriage.
My friend has clear direction in the life God provides for her, but she hasn't taken His plan seriously in many ways. And, she knows it. Her marriage has suffered a few blows through the years that she and her husband resolved in theory, but left on the back burner in practice. God has so much in store for them as a married couple and has provided them with the map and tools they need to achieve oneness. What stops them from taking the necessary steps in the sand to get there?
Like the Israelites in the Book of Exodus, my friend has a Promised Land waiting for her in a solid marriage after enslavement in the form of a spouse's adultery and addiction. When one spouse is in, the other is, too, whether she knows it or not at the time.
The Israelites had hope as they left slavery's bonds in Egypt. God had the Promised Land in store for them; they needed only follow him and obey his commands. The Israelites tried and failed and repeated. God gave them instructions that they managed to avoid following exactly or at all! Like the Israelites, my friend has managed to circumvent God's intended route for such a long period of time she feels discouraged at ever entering the marriage she has the promise to achieve. She has frozen in her tracks.
She knows God's promises stand, but she keeps balking on the ones that require her to take action. She knows his Word is true, yet she has a human hold on allowing it to prosper in her life.
Our own ways and means get in the way of God's ways and means.
Wandering aimlessly in a dry place within marriage looks just like the Israelites meandering through the desert longer than they should have. Forty years is a long time in the desert, and a few months is quite lengthy in marriage time. Yet, God moved with the Israelites every step of the way. He abides with us with the same constancy, and provides instruction in his Word: Genesis, Matthew, Mark, Corinthians, Colossians, Ephesians, and 1 Peter. He also provides the Holy Spirit to dwell in each of us (when we ask it and commit our lives to Him). He provides role models around us and gives us support staff in the form of pastors, elders, teachers, and friends who have good marriages and who support and encourage the good work involved in sustaining a marriage relationship. He also engages us in learning and growth experiences that serve to instruct us in areas of weakness. Every experience comes to us with the purpose of making us stronger, building perseverance and character, and making us more godly in our actions and reactions.
And that's where we -- and my friend -- fail. We like to avoid painful experiences. Haven't we all had enough of them? We want to build a bridge over the quagmire that may surround us, rather than plod and fight through it to the other side. We have learned quite enough, thank you. No more, please.
But that's not what this life has for us. Our God makes it plain through the lives of all He illustrated in his Word -- His people don't have it easy. They pursue godliness by working through the blind selfishness of human nature, by conquering human want, by eliminating human envy and boasting, by putting self last.
James 1:2-4 says, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
And in Revelation 3:10, "Because you have kept my word about patient endurance, I will keep you from the hour of trial that is coming on the whole world, to try those who dwell on the earth.
This dear friend of mine knows the danger of the desert: commiserating with those wandering with her. She fully understands that misery loves company, and that finding someone in similar circumstances will allow her to vent but not find a better way. When we complain to and another person in a similar situation, we bond with that person in that situation -- we don't lift each other out of it, but hold each other in place and usually make the trouble worse. The Israelites grumbled and complained together, succeeding in stirring up strife and not solving a single problem. Only by following God's way did they come into the Promised Land.
It's much easier to see from the sidelines or from a view above the valley. It's much easier to see for those of us having come out of our own wandering season in that same desert, what my friend may accomplish if she would:
1. cast out fear and rely on God
2. take action toward the positive at every opportunity
3. avoid the tendency to self pity and self indulge (conquered already)
4. pray without ceasing, pouring her soul out to God, conversing with Him throughout the journey
5. take the initiative (in whatever area causes the wandering) prepare to succeed, though some difficulties may arise and mistakes will happen, refining her in the process
Tripping and falling on God's path may cause a bit of pain and require that a person pick herself up and continue onward. The way won't necessarily be without trial. Yet it taking paths of our own making -- that God did not intend for us -- will cause far more suffering and missed opportunities to succeed the first time.
God isn't the one making mistakes. It's us. He will continue to lead, and it's in our best interest to follow, if only we can get past our own short-sightedness.
My friend is looking past the desert and seeing what the Promised Land will offer her. God is ready to lead her into it. She need only take those first steps.
It's your turn. What Marriage Desert experiences have you had? How did God help you move on toward your own Promised Land?
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