How do you enjoy? Food, films, life, love, children, family, husband, work, play, gifts, marriage? Do you find fault in small things? Do you find areas of improvement to point out ... freely? Do you mumble to yourself about what could/should change?
That amazing movie you just saw ... if only the main character could have acted in a more convincing way. The meal you had at the new restaurant ... if only the wait staff had attended you more closely. The beautiful sunset this evening ... if only the weather were warmer. The way your children worked together today ... if only they hadn't made such a mess. The loving gestures your husband made this week ... if only he would put his dirty clothes in the hamper instead of on the floor.
If you're like a lot of the human race, just about everything in life could use a little tweaking. We complain about the weather, about money, about politics, about social ills, about our jobs, and about our spouses and marriages when they don't meet our estimation of "good". We may have no outstanding needs in life (food, clothing, shelter), but our wants? ENDLESS! We measure life constantly against an ever-changing measuring stick of expectation and worldly overtone. Desires of the flesh and of the deceitful heart don't make good "quality versus quantity" filters. Seeing through God's eyes makes the life we have plenty, and even bountifully blessed. We have to learn to see this way. We need to learn to see the way a child sees a lollipop or a small gift offered "just because".
If you think about how many "just because" moments we have and how we dishonor the blessings by analyzing, nit-picking and measuring them up to "perfection" (earthly perfection), you would feel the shame that belongs to the despicable practice of "comparison" that complaining really is!
Enjoy without Complaining, the sixth of Ten Ways to Love from a biblical standpoint, has this to say, from Philippians 2:14 --
Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky
Complaints often target one aspect of a situation, event or person like a magnifying glass enlarging one flower in a rose garden. A complaining spirit will find the one tiny aphid in the whole garden and focus on it, above the rest. Soon, the complainer forgets the beautiful blooms, expands on the aphid, and enlarges it to the size of a 747 airliner sheerly by her framing and focus.
Look at the roses! Don't miss the glorious, the beautiful, the blessings, the love, and even the ordinary because you can't help but tweak the possibilities or reevaluate the outcome for next time.
Every single person can learn to enjoy. Each one of us can discover what it means to give thanks in everything ... even in misery or in struggle.
The more a person complains, the unhappier she grows. Complaints build on themselves, carry over into other topics of conversation, and begin to gnaw on the insides of listeners. If not nipped in the bud, a complaining spirit can override the atmosphere of a social gathering. It can turn a peaceful evening for a married couple into an argument. Nit-picking can leave pockmarks on the loveliest of experiences, and can degrade the surface of the conveniences in life. The "if only" begins to speak louder than the "I like" or the, "I enjoy" experiences, like a food critic indulging your desires to try that new restaurant for the talented chef and gastronomical delights, then dulling your interest by focusing on and grinding an axe on a leaf of misplaced garnish.
The Philippians 2 verse provides us a prime reason for not grumbling or arguing -- that we may become blameless and pure, and different from the people around us. Certainly, many people find the silver lining in each cloud and magnify the rose instead of the aphid. Yet the bent toward discontent -- finding the negative -- seems to permeate so many lives.
Complainers become the flies in the ointment, the vinegar rather than the sugar, the cloud rather than the silver lining. Complainers rain on parades and pour water on comfortable blankets. Seeing themselves as "realists" or for bravely pointing out the obvious sustains many complainers. Believe it or not, other people do notice where tweaks can improve a moment or where a different actor could play a movie role. But they don't focus there. They see what's good and keep the joy.
If you tend toward criticizing -- whether you focus on people, language, deeds, appearances, or any other aspect of the physical world or on the abstract aspects of love, thought, intention and feeling/emotion, you appear as a joy drain. You suck the fun right out of the experience! Smiles fade, eyes search for safe resting places, attention diverts, and you have a platform for passing out morsels of negativity. God wants more for you and he has more for you.
In marriage, this plays out very intricately because we do see each other's low points, faults, habits and mistakes. When we ask for God's vision and begin to focus on the rose instead of the aphid ... let me tell you, what joy is mine!
Enjoy. Enjoy fully, keeping in mind those around you who can have the wind knocked out of them by harsh words of complaint and judgment. Very often, the world around us needs work, the people around us need to make some adjustments, we need to change -- of course! But none of us need to appoint ourselves judge and jury or even as Inspector of Everything. By doing so, we put ourselves above the rest. We're all in this together. Play nice. No rose-colored glasses, please. Look through God's eyes.
ENJOY!
Others in this series:
Look at the roses! Don't miss the glorious, the beautiful, the blessings, the love, and even the ordinary because you can't help but tweak the possibilities or reevaluate the outcome for next time.
Every single person can learn to enjoy. Each one of us can discover what it means to give thanks in everything ... even in misery or in struggle.
"Whatever happens, give thanks, because it is God's will in Christ Jesus that you do this."
I Thessalonians 5:18
The more a person complains, the unhappier she grows. Complaints build on themselves, carry over into other topics of conversation, and begin to gnaw on the insides of listeners. If not nipped in the bud, a complaining spirit can override the atmosphere of a social gathering. It can turn a peaceful evening for a married couple into an argument. Nit-picking can leave pockmarks on the loveliest of experiences, and can degrade the surface of the conveniences in life. The "if only" begins to speak louder than the "I like" or the, "I enjoy" experiences, like a food critic indulging your desires to try that new restaurant for the talented chef and gastronomical delights, then dulling your interest by focusing on and grinding an axe on a leaf of misplaced garnish.
The Philippians 2 verse provides us a prime reason for not grumbling or arguing -- that we may become blameless and pure, and different from the people around us. Certainly, many people find the silver lining in each cloud and magnify the rose instead of the aphid. Yet the bent toward discontent -- finding the negative -- seems to permeate so many lives.
Complainers become the flies in the ointment, the vinegar rather than the sugar, the cloud rather than the silver lining. Complainers rain on parades and pour water on comfortable blankets. Seeing themselves as "realists" or for bravely pointing out the obvious sustains many complainers. Believe it or not, other people do notice where tweaks can improve a moment or where a different actor could play a movie role. But they don't focus there. They see what's good and keep the joy.
If you tend toward criticizing -- whether you focus on people, language, deeds, appearances, or any other aspect of the physical world or on the abstract aspects of love, thought, intention and feeling/emotion, you appear as a joy drain. You suck the fun right out of the experience! Smiles fade, eyes search for safe resting places, attention diverts, and you have a platform for passing out morsels of negativity. God wants more for you and he has more for you.
In marriage, this plays out very intricately because we do see each other's low points, faults, habits and mistakes. When we ask for God's vision and begin to focus on the rose instead of the aphid ... let me tell you, what joy is mine!
Enjoy. Enjoy fully, keeping in mind those around you who can have the wind knocked out of them by harsh words of complaint and judgment. Very often, the world around us needs work, the people around us need to make some adjustments, we need to change -- of course! But none of us need to appoint ourselves judge and jury or even as Inspector of Everything. By doing so, we put ourselves above the rest. We're all in this together. Play nice. No rose-colored glasses, please. Look through God's eyes.
ENJOY!
Others in this series:
- Ten Ways to Love: An Introduction
- Ten Ways to Love: Answer without Arguing
- Ten Ways to Love: Enjoy without Complaint
- Ten Ways to Love: Give without Sparing
- Ten Ways to Love: Listen without Interrupting
- Ten Ways to Love: Share without Pretending
- Ten Ways to Love: Speak without Accusing
- Ten Ways to Love: Forgive without Punishing
- Ten Ways to Love: Pray without Ceasing
- Ten Ways to Love: Trust without Wavering
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